What Would Jane Austen Do?

Gotta go set up the Cub Scouts' Blue & Gold Banquet tonight, so I'll leave you with this: via . Buy his book; it's good .

Reading Watching This was maybe the fourth time I tried to watch it. Why is this movie so bad? Listening to You can download Amazon's Stax Sampler for free right now. "Buns O'Plenty" for everyone!

This is a test to see if my feed is somehow publishing each post twice.

Expect to see more of this picture. embroidered red Mexican dress purchased at grocery store no bra charcoal gray yoga pants hemmed (unevenly) with scissors pink cashmere socks navy Bean boots moth-eaten, 9 year-old black cardigan with non-functioning closures hair pulled back in rubber band from the newspaper And only an amateur would be satisfied with watering the plants, or unloading the dishwasher, in such an ensemble. A woman with real panache would wear it proudly through the drop-off line at school, waving like a pageant queen at everyone she knows.

I've had this song in my head all day. We're off to eat pancakes (and the world's greatest bacon) tonight. (video length = 2:22)

This picture makes it look like we weren't having fun. But we were, I promise. Angela is on the phone trying to figure out where our friend Rhonda is. Answer: in the ER with her son. [He's fine, but she missed the party.] On Sunday, Letitia and I hosted a Soup Swap! for some of our friends. Everyone brought 6 quarts of soup, and left with 6 different quarts of soup. We set all of the soups out and took turns choosing. We got the idea from a swap her sister Julie went to, and from Apartment Therapy . It was a really nice way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Letitia made The Pioneer Woman's Olive Cheese bread , as well as chocolate fondue (chocolate soup!) and oatmeal cookies (and the flower arrangements). I set out some grapes, strawberries and pretzels, and made Granny's Lemon Pound Cake (which I overbaked, alas). There was also some chèvre with Letitia's cranberry-ginger preserves and crackers. Best of all, our friend Sophia made the best Sangria I've ever

I did not know that life could be this good. Toby Keith has a fashion line. Yes, that Toby Keith: the one who reminds me of a down-low version of my idiot sleazeball ex-brother-in-law.* Nice perm. Let's just see what Mr. Keith has dreamed up for our gentlemen to wear. You better work, Covergirl. Hott. Flaming, even. Just in time for the Right Said Fred Reunion Tour. What a terrific collection! Thanks, Toby! Note shaved armpit. Hey, Toby, can you spell overcompensating ? I'll give you a hint: it starts with an "O." *Oh, the stories I could tell. Here is a good one: my other (idiot, slightly-less-sleazy-but-with-more-felonies) ex-brother-in-law, Marc, had picked up a few arrowheads and was showing Jacob (Toby Keith doppelganger) his collection. Jacob asked, "So how did you find those? Did you use a metal detector or something?" Couldn't make it up if I tried.

I was trying to think of a poem for today, and I found this one by Victor Buono , from his book, It Could Be Verse. When flowers doze upon their lonely beds And oaken sentries nod their noble heads And piney cushions snug the cuddled fawns And dewy gems bejewel the dreaming lawns, I sit and wait in patience born of pain For some sweet sonnet to ignite my brain. And as Aurora lifts her rosey veil My muse approaches - haggard, had and pale. Fetid, fingered, rancid, rank and frowzy, No wonder all my poetry is lousy.

For the most part I like living in the big city. There's so much to see and do, and there's so much good food. But when I go to the grocery store and can't find a pound of andouille, it's a cold and lonely place, y'all. Bitch, gimme back my crown -- I am the andouille queen.

One day you're gonna need three cut-glass deviled egg plates and you're gonna think, "Why, oh why, did I mock mamacita for them?"

Becca and I made 100 paper dolls for the 100th-Day Parade at school. These were the simplest instructions I found, if you're interested.

My friend Christy posted this on Facebook about her other half, and I thought it might serve as an introduction to the wonder that is Papi Chulo: 1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? Lost , Heroes , or some other shitty sci-fi. Really, there is no sci-fi depth to which the man will not sink. 2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Ranch. 3. What's one food he doesn't like? Swiss cheese. Result of a one-time overdose in high school. 4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order? Bourbon or diet Coke; possibly both. 5. Where did he go to high school? Bridge City High School, with all the cool people. 6. What size shoe does he wear? Size 12. I'm a lucky lady. 7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Comic books. 8. What kind of sandwich does he like? Muffuletta. 9. What would he eat every day if he could? Bacon. And why can't he? 10. What is his favorite cereal? His answer was "ch

sad vader.jpg , originally uploaded by beerorkid . The first two days of this week have sucked pretty hard. Do you think anyone would notice if I hid under the covers until Saturday?

Reading Disappointing, so far. Watching Also disappointing. Note to self: figure out how to use closed-captioning so I can understand limeys who refuse to pronounce their consonants. Listening to Always good.

A little something to help you forget that you are back in the office, slaving away for The Man again this morning: You know how very much we all heart RetailMeNot ? [Briefly--it's an aggregator for coupon codes; always look there before you check out with any online retailer.] The same folks have now come out with BeatMyPrice . It just saved me $4 with 30 seconds of effort on my part. This is what I bought: In an alternate universe, perhaps. This is what I really bought. To use it, you input the name of the item you want to buy, the URL where you found it, and the price you found. BeatMyPrice searches the Internet for better deals. There are a few other sites that do this, but I think this is the "smartest" one I've seen -- it doesn't come back with a lot of unrelated items, and it automatically searches for any available coupon codes. I really like the feature that lets you remove items from the list they generate with a single click (and no page reload

The anti-Valentine, from that old sap, Robert Browning. My Last Duchess FERRARA That’s my last Duchess painted on the wall, Looking as if she were alive. I call That piece a wonder, now; Fra Pandolf’s hands Worked busily a day, and there she stands. Will’t please you sit and look at her? I said “Fra Pandolf” by design, for never read Strangers like you that pictured countenance, The depth and passion of its earnest glance, But to myself they turned (since none puts by The curtain I have drawn for you, but I) And seemed as they would ask me, if they durst, How such a glance came there; so, not the first Are you to turn and ask thus. Sir, ’twas not Her husband’s presence only, called that spot Of joy into the Duchess’ cheek; perhaps Fra Pandolf chanced to say, “Her mantle laps Over my lady’s wrist too much,” or “Paint Must never hope to reproduce the faint Half-flush that dies along her throat.” Such stuff Was courtesy, she thought, and cause enough For calling up t

My Grandpa Oliver used to eat watermelon with salt. He also ate cornbread mashed up in a bowl and covered with milk and sugar. His favorite dessert -- the one he requested every year for his birthday -- was Pineapple Upside Down cake. And this is the drink he always ordered at The Pompano Club: Rusty Nail 1.5 oz. Scotch .5 oz. Drambuie lemon peel Pour the Scotch and Drambuie into an old-fashioned glass almost filled with ice cubes. Stir well. Garnish with the lemon twist.

from The Selby

Watching Sorry to say, it really wasn't good. I lost track of what was going on, and I expected the giant mechanical spider to show up at any minute. Listening to Seems like there was a theme this week...

Do not eat this many. You will hate me, and yourself. This weekend I made the homemade version of the Girl Scouts' Peanut Butter Patties . For those of you unfamiliar, the peanut butter patties are essentially Ritz crackers topped with peanut butter and coated in chocolate. For this project, I experimented with the peanut butter and the chocolate: I made some with crunchy PB and some with smooth; some with milk chocolate bark and some with melted semisweet chips. The resulting cookies were subjected to a rigorous blind-tasting. By that I mean I gave them to my blind co-worker. Anyway, I think the universal favorites were the crunchy PB/ milk chocolate ones. The milk chocolate was also much easier to handle than the semisweet, although the crunchy PB was slightly trickier than the smooth. [A piece of advice: buy the brand-name Ritz crackers. They're less crumbly than the generic version.] Now a few notes about technique: unlike the Girl Scouts' version of this cookie,

Well, obviously, any place I go is cool, up to and including the Walgreens, but this place is supposedly cool even when I'm not around. Little Big's is a new burger place. It has a nice patio. They serve what they call "sliders," but I think the burgers are rather too bulky to actually qualify as White Castle-style sliders. The burgers are good, though -- great buns, and the fries are nice, too (they're salted with sea salt). I didn't try the milkshakes, but they are probably good. There is a White Russian milkshake that I wanted to try, but I decided it wasn't worth braving the line twice. They were having some service issues, and it was really crowded with two types of people: 1) people who desperately want to be hip, and 2) adorable boys from St. John's who will be pledging Pike at Texas in September. Plus me and Uncle John, and a few other fat old people who just wanted to sit down and eat our food within, say, an hour of arriving. So I'

Anybody can wear a pocket protector these days. Show your true Nerd Quotient with the PencilPull . via Cool Tools

Douche patrol 2:17-- WTF? Why is the neighbor's car alarm going off? 2:20-- Seriously, WTF? 2:21-- What can I wear tomorrow that will allow me to sleep until 4 minutes before I have to be at work? 2:22-- Are my children really aliens? 2:35-- DUDE, WTF WITH THE CAR ALARM? THIS ISN'T PHILLY. 2:35-- I think the lamppost in the front yard is a symbol of everything I've always wanted. 2:37-- What can I do with the puff pastry in the freezer? 2:37-- Am I a bandwagon fan if I like Elizabeth Peyton? 2:38-- Has any car alarm in history actually stopped an auto theft? 2:39-- I really need a pair of black patent flats. 2:44-- And maybe a pair of burgundy ones. 2:45-- They can't get the alarm to stop. 2:46-- Where is Papi's gun? 2:49-- Why haven't I ever achieved anything in life? Have I always taken the easy way out? 2:50-- What can I eat for lunch tomorrow? 2:53-- What is the French word for sprezzatura? 2:55-- Dude, revving the engine isn't helping; think of somethi

Today is Read a Book in the Bathtub Day. Who are we to argue? [Pictured: me. Totally.]

Wouldn't they make a terrific Valentine's bouquet? via

He is almost unbearably cute when he's sick.

This big, fat camellia is now the first thing I see when I wake up every morning. Thanks, Momma.

On Friday afternoons now I go to estate sales. My partner-in-crime wasn't with me, which is too bad because there were some really cute tin boxes there. I'm pretty sure she could squeeze a couple more into her house if she really tried. So I got this silver paper doily -- perfect for a Valentine's box, no? -- and the two giant antique keys. I thought the kids would get a kick out of them. Emmet looked at them and said, "But what do they open?" THAT'S NOT THE POINT, BOY. Oh well.

In case you will be spending your weekend making a Valentine box, here is some inspiration; go forth and make the other mothers feel like complete failures. Mwa hahahahaha. I love the Love Bug and Butterfly boxes here Some ideas for boys' Valentine boxes (good ideas -- no pictures, though) And here are some actual Valentines, in case you're making those too. I'm sure your "Mother of the Year" sash is on its way to you right now. Flickr Group: "Paper Valentines Swap" Flickr Group: "FF's Snail Mail Valentines for Charity" Flickr Group: Hearts from "The Magic of Nature" Pool . (You could just print these out on card stock and call it a day) If you're satisfied with being Runner-Up to Mother of the Year, you could also use these free printables. [Each site has several designs.] Skip to My Lou She also has a whirligig Valentine that a boy would like The Toymaker This is the easiest Valentine craft of all , and, obviously, the

I guess some of you didn't get to see this ad during the Super Bowl -- apparently it only aired in Texas. Well, now you know: there is a dating website for married people . Shocking, no? I mean, shocking that people are willing to pay for it; isn't Craigslist free? Anyway, clutch your pearls, because here it is:

Reading Watching I think I've lost all patience for teenager movies. Watching this one just reminded me of how long ago Heathers was. [Don't look.] Listening to You can download "Motel Blues" for free on Amazon right now.

Terry Tate, Office Linebacker:

In honor of the crew of the Space Shuttle Columbia , who were lost during re-entry on this day in 2003. A Noiseless Patient Spider by Walt Whitman A noiseless patient spider, I mark’d where on a little promontory it stood isolated, Mark’d how to explore the vacant vast surrounding, It launch’d forth filament, filament, filament, out of itself, Ever unreeling them, ever tirelessly speeding them. And you O my soul where you stand, Surrounded, detached, in measureless oceans of space, Ceaselessly musing, venturing, throwing, seeking the spheres to connect them, Till the bridge you will need be form’d, till the ductile anchor hold, Till the gossamer thread you fling catch somewhere, O my soul.