What Would Jane Austen Do?

I could write an entire Thanksgiving list for the imaginary people living on the internet. [Maybe one day.] Near the top of that list would be Matthew Baldwin , aka Defective Yeti . He writes stuff like this and makes it just seem so natural. Haircut 2.0 When I go into a deli, why can I not just order a turkey sandwich and get a g.d. turkey sandwich, instead of having to approve or deny each and every member of kingdom Plantae ? NO ONE WANTS BUTTERNUT SQUASH ON A TURKEY SANDWICH DONT EVEN ASK!! I appreciate that they are trying to “make it my way” or whatever, but after the third time I have unconditionally delegated any and all turkey-sandwich-making authority to the guy behind the counter, it’s time for the questions to end. Call me crazy, but I presume that someone who makes sandwiches eight hours a day has a mental model of “turkey sandwich” that is closer to the Platonic ideal of Turkey Sandwich than I could ever fathom, and should therefore be Team Captain for this particular ...

Another great blogger is [redacted] . You will actually howl out loud while reading this one. That Time I Was in Asia: So You're Interested in Seeing a Thai Sex Show . So while in Thailand , Brooke and I decided that we should visit the Red Light District. I mean, it's famous; and famous for sex, no less. We love sex. It seemed like a natural fit. And though we were well aware of the all-too-seedy underbelly, we were assured by more than a few people that the current version of Patpong (the district's name) was a watered down version of its nefarious predecessor. I mean, the New York Times recommended going there in their 36 Hours in Bangkok article. The last time the New York Times recommended something "gritty and dangerous" it was a Michael Moore film. We felt pretty secure. [ Read the whole thing. ]

I swear, they won't always be this way. I'm trying to get these all out to you before the end of the year, for some arbitrary reason. One of the best -- possibly THE best -- new blog of the year was Letters of Note , "a blog-based archive of fascinating correspondence, complete with scans and transcripts of the original missives." You should read it every day. Bookmark this letter so you'll have it when you need it. It's a reply from Stephen Fry to a fan who wrote asking for advice while in the midst of a depression. April 10, 2006 Dear Crystal, I'm so sorry to hear that life is getting you down at the moment. Goodness knows, it can be so tough when nothing seems to fit and little seems to be fulfilling. I'm not sure there's any specific advice I can give that will help bring life back its savour. Although they mean well, it's sometimes quite galling to be reminded how much people love you when you don't love yourself that much. I've...

This letter to the London Review of Books was another favorite from this past year. It changed the way I thought about a lot of things. Because it's annoying to scroll down to it, I'm quoting the whole thing. Keep me in! The list of stories of unjust incarceration for insanity is long, as Susan Eilenberg suggests ( LRB , 23 July). Does it still happen? Or have things gone in a completely different direction? I have been in and out of NHS mental hospitals for more than forty years. The first, following a suicide attempt, was Bethlem Royal, the old Bedlam, by then moved to a huge semi-rural site near Beckenham. On arrival my first feeling was of immense relief; I was in a safe place and didn’t have to worry any more. One almost never saw a psychiatrist; ‘treatment’ consisted of tranquillisers that kept one calm and anti-depressants that did nothing at all; this was in the days before Prozac. But the nurses were friendly and spent all day with the patients, chatting, playing ...

Maybe you're at work fucking away the rest of the year until everybody gets back to work in January. That's what I'm doing, anyway. To facilitate your fucking away, I thought I would point you to some of my favorite writing from the year. First: delight in Bonnie's stories of " The Worst Things I Ever Wore ." 1980 Pants: Ugly, but Dry My mom was and is a big thrift-shopper, so these navy-blue bell-bottoms with colorful flowers embroidered on the bells were out of style by the time I wore them. Describing them now, they sound sort of cute, but here's the problem: another girl in my third grade class also had them. A girl known for wetting her pants. Those pants. [More here ]

Hey, I know you're a big fan of Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You." Kinda goes without saying, right? Since you've heard it 5,723 times since Thanksgiving? On the other hand ... Hollister Hovey put up a 3-song EP she coordinated with some of her very talented friends. Holy cow, is it good. [Bonus for Cayce and Carl: a rousing version of "Nu skal vi ha glide."] Also, Amazon has a bunch of free downloads. In other news, I am still sick and it still blows.

Papi let me sleep in this morning. I woke to Becca's voice saying, "Cotton candy! And a stuffed unicorn!" The neighbor had been by with gifts. Then we went on a little road trip. Four hours in the car with E&B squabbling endlessly. At one point they were obnoxious enough that I yelled, "if you say one more word I'm throwing your unicorn out the window!" [Never thought of that one, eh, Joan Crawford?] Later I asked Papi how he stayed so calm on the trip. He said, "I imagined I was driving to an orphanage."

After all these years we've been together, you're still recommending Michel Buble for me?

Wrong on So Many Levels , originally uploaded by houston mamacita . Spotted at Toys 'R Us.

Or, "I'll take Overdue Posts for $1,000, Alex." Actually, my posting is way down since Thanksgiving because I've been pretty busy with my "one for you, one for me" Christmas shopping. I've been terribly naughty this year, so I can't really count on Santa. The very best place for this kind of shopping is etsy. Since I'm always happy to hear about other people's etsy favorites, here are a few of mine: I've blogged about Shop Clementine before. I have a pair of her earrings that I adore. If this necklace found its way into your stocking, you would be quite delighted, no? This year I decided that Becca can turn the dollhouse bookcase that Grandaddy built into her own dollhouse. [We'll make room for the books on a shelf in our room.] I got her some dollhouse furniture at Hobby Lobby, but I was excited to find these tin y wooden dolls on etsy . She'll get to decorate them to make her own little dollhouse family. I want one of e...

Papi: "Check this out: non-Newtonian fluid." Me: "Huh?" Papi: "Watch these dudes walk on water." Me: "That's awesome." [Watch for a while until the dude sinks into the pool.] Six other "Man-Made Substances That Laugh in the Face of Physics" here .

Kiddo edition: Reading Watching Drinking

Check out this gallery at the Smithsonian online of artists' homemade Christmas cards . Makes me wish I had returned Man Ray's calls back in the day. via VSL