Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Hey, Man, I'm Clean

Folks -- the porn is down and the adult warning has been taken off. You are now free to roam about the cabin.

Monday, March 30, 2009

My New Favorite Blog

Advanced Style is a street-style blog featuring the AARP set. It's 1,000 times more interesting than that other street-style blog (the one that rhymes with "The Bootlickist") because the photos are of people who are dressing for themselves instead of assembling costumes for a coolness contest. Best addition to my reader in a long time -- thanks, NeverSlapTheGiftDonkey.

What mamacita is ...

Not bad, but definitely not laugh-out-loud funny. Olivia Thirlby is gorgeous, and Ben Kingsley plays his role perfectly, but that Josh dude from Josh & Drake -- he needs to get hit by a bus. Good soundtrack; it's the version of 1994 that completely passed by me because I was homesick and listening to country music all the time.

Listening to

How about you suggest something for me?

Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Red Party

In case you missed Mer's comments on the previous post, let's review:

I've been invited to a "Red" party for an 11 year old this weekend to celebrate the onset of her menarche. Does anyone know the protocol for these type of celebrations? Do you think Madonna's "Like a Virgin" be a good gift? Or should I bring a large container of advil? Box of kotex? I could fashion the pads into some nametags for the guests I suppose...
Setting aside the WTF aspect of the party, our buddy Mer needs advice here.

Your idea of giving her Like a Virgin has some merit. Perhaps you would never be invited to a red party again, which seems like a worthy goal.

Otherwise, I'm thinking that you need to give her something red, right? [And that everyone is wearing red to the party and you're going to eat red velvet cake in the shape of a maxi pad, yes?] So here are my ideas for red:

I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that someone has written a book on exactly this topic. My Little Red Book is a compilation of anecdotes from women about their first periods. There's a good review at Jezebel. In fact, Jezzie has lots of suggestions about first-period kits and gifts. Those bitches think of everything.

I feel sort of timid now suggesting red lipgloss and/or nail polish in a red makeup bag (this is a cute one from etsy).

But my favorite idea is this tin, or a similar red container featuring a white cross (possibly made from tape or something) filled with emergency chocolate. And some nuts -- oh my God, don't forget the salty.

(HT: Mighty Goods for the tin)

Mer, we expect a full report on the party.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Touched for the Very First Time

Like A Virginis one of the Friday Five today at Amazon, meaning that it's a mere $5 to download. Which is nice if, say, you once developed a twirling routine to the title song, only to be cruelly shot down from performing in the fifth grade talent show, because you hadn't even known what a virgin was, and your parents watched you practice the routine over and over without pointing out that the principal and the music teacher might have some reservations about the music.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Yay! The Smut is Here!

Hence the "Adult Content" warning. As soon as the smut goes into the archives, off the main site, I'll take the warning down.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Hooray for House of Dereon

Letitia and I are getting matching denim jumpsuits. Hers will have an "L" on the front -- that's how you can tell us apart.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Happy Anniversary, John and Yoko

I just mention it because I love this song. And the floral hotpants.

P.S. The pr0n has been delayed until Monday. Seriously, you've been warned.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Don't Look, Ethel

So, I made an offer to the ridiculously sexy Monday Morning Punter, of KSK and With Leather fame. He ran into some problems with hosting the Nasty Fetish Final Four over at With Leather (one-half of it is still running at KSK). Can't imagine why. But of course I said, "Too blue for With Leather? Sign me up."

So pretty soon you'll be seeing a poll here where you need to vote for the nastier of two sexual fetishes. And yes, they're thoroughly raunchy. For a full discussion of the entries, listen here. But if you're liable to be offended, you might want to check back with me next week. On the other hand, if you're looking to pick up a few tips ... how do you know your significant other wouldn't like to do it with knives?

Between the showboat cripples and the degenerate porn, I now am vying for the scuzziest blog on the Internet. Watch your ass, Perez.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


I'm trying to fill out my bracket for SGM's March Madness tourney, but it's very difficult to decide if I hate BYU or A&M more.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Don't Give to Jerry's Kids (and other bile)

1. Stupid fucking Jerry's kids stole Becca's doctor. I called to make an appointment for her today, and found out that her neurologist, who I liked, has stopped seeing epilepsy patients because he is now focusing on MS and MD patients. I immediately concluded that it's because those showboat cripples have their own telethons and raise more money than epilepsy patients do. So the next time a firefighter asks you to help "fill the boot," tell him to go fuck himself.

2. I had to go to Wal-Mart today (Target was closed), and the lines were epic, even by Wal-Mart standards. [Fools! The "Express" line is NEVER faster.] Anyway, I tried to take a picture, but it didn't come out. Did you know that you can get kicked out of Wal-Mart for taking pictures? This would be a new record for my family -- my mom has only been kicked out of a Target. [Note: I did not poll my sister, Peetie.]

3. My friend Katie's mom sent her an email today. The subject line was, "What you miss by not going to church." The body of the email was empty -- as in, you miss nothing. I am amazed that mothers send their grown daughters email to discourage church attendance. I think the stork dropped me off at the wrong house.

4. However, I might need to take my kids to Sunday school eventually. We were at the MFAH on Sunday and I pointed out a Frida Kahlo painting called Moses. I was trying to show the little urchins some of the features in the painting, and I said, "You know, the story of Moses? He went down the river in a basket?" Blank looks. They're never going to pass art history.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Sun Shines Again

I haven't posted in a few days because I was feeling blue. I've finally snapped out of it, though, thanks to Dave Grohl. Is there anything the man can't do?

Dave Grohl and Will Farrell, "Leather and Lace" (6:58)

Dave Grohl on Craig Kilborn's show (think I found this via Alex Balk's blog, which also went a long way toward cheering me up) (6:36)

Monday, March 9, 2009

Nothing Doing Monday

Is anybody else ready to collapse back in bed right now? Stupid time change. Between that and digging around in the yard yesterday, I am ready for a long, long nap.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Azalea Trail

Nice finger, dumbass.

This weekend is the Azalea Trail tour of homes and gardens in River Oaks. All afternoon I was in Rhododendron heaven. I took some photos, which you can see on flickr. I couldn't take pictures inside any of the buildings, but here are a few garden highlights:

Statue at River Oaks Garden Club, with white azaleas just starting to bloom.

I had never been inside the River Oaks Garden Club building on Kirby at Westheimer. It's a nice little building, and the gardens are, obviously, something to see. I also met a rep from a company that blends custom mulches for specific types of plants. There was also a very nice display put on by the camellia society.

The first house I went to was beautiful inside, and had this fantastic potting porch:

Don't miss the barometer on the outside window frame:

I think my mom needs a pool like this, with potted orange trees at every corner:

The second house was a 12,000 square-foot pile on River Oaks Boulevard, described in the brochure as "Tudor-style" and possessing "old world elegance." It was built in 2005. Some of the plantings still had price tags on them. River Oaks, you so crazy.

The sidewalk on the east side of the house had these bushes -- are they some kind of double roses?

Close-up of the double roses (?)
UPDATE: Anne thinks they're red camellias in bad shape.
Possibly so -- they were in full sun, which would be bad for camellias, I think.

Impressive lantern at front door.

Lots of dark wood, and dark everything; an enormous painting in the style of a Dutch still life. The kitchen was done all in brown toile. I had to touch the wall for myself, of course, and it didn't seem to be fabric. Maybe it was wallpaper. In the hallway were papier-mâché trays painted with dogs. My favorite, favorite part, though, was the coffee table in the library: it displayed both Bungalow Nation and The Not-So-Big House.

Water lily pond on the south side of the house.

A mountain laurel in Houston? Just go with it.
They smell nice. Kind of like floral beer.
Well, maybe you'll have to take my word that it's a nice smell.

Finally, a house that was first on the Azalea Trail 38 years ago; it also had a great pool:

I like the jasmine that's been trained along the back fence in a criss-cross pattern.

Just to the side of the pool is this seating area.
The floral arrangement is in a wine crate.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Engagement Present

I know you were really worried about what I was going to get Luke and Julie for their engagement. I decided on this stephanotis (aka Madagascar jasmine) trained into a circle, found at IKEA, of all places. Mazel tov, you crazy thirty-somethings.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Aerial Photos of Venice

Dan Kitwood of the Denver Post took some breathtaking aerial shots of Venice.

I think that's the island of San Michele.
[Wanna kill an hour or five? Start fiddling around with Google Earth.]
more photos here.
Thanks, Rachel.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Recent Kitchen Adventures

thanks for the pic, Sophia

1. Chocolate Pie for Letitia's birthday. Doesn't look like much, but I thought it turned out pretty well. Turns out bourbon and chocolate are a good match.

The recipe was from this new cookbook, Baked, that was on a bunch of "Best of 2008" lists. I'm in love with this book. Something like 80% of the recipes involve booze. Do check it out. I'm trying to think of an excuse to make Red Hot Velvet Cake.

2. Carrot cupcakes, for two coworkers' birthdays. Well, at the end of the day, it's still carrot cake. But I grated the carrots really, really fine (shaving most of the skin off my thumb in the process), and I think it's not bad. Cream cheese icing holla. The recipe is from The Pioneer Woman Cooks, except I used butter instead of oil. Seriously, why wouldn't you?

Since I was making cupcakes, and thus had more surface area to cover, I doubled the icing recipe. But now I have a bunch of icing left over, and someone needs to get it out of my house before Papi's arteries solidify.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Coming in Like a Lion

Listen up, fellow babies: it's time to pick out a couple of books you've always meant to read, and somehow haven't. Perhaps some of you will be interested in Tolstoy. I, personally, can get myself quite depressed without his help. Instead, I'm planning to spend the month with Laurie Notaro's The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club, Joan Didion's Slouching Toward Bethlehem, and A.S. Byatt's Possession.

So what will you be reading?

Monday, March 2, 2009

What E&B are...

It's Texas Independence Day. I love this book because I think Sasek's flat planes of color are so appropriate for the subject. And that has been your Art History Second for today.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Poetry on Sunday

in Just-
by e.e. cummings

in Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame balloonman

whistles far and wee

and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it's

when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer
old balloonman whistles
far and wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing

from hop-scotch and jump-rope and




balloonMan whistles