Today is my 35th birthday. I'd like to take this opportunity to announce my candidacy for President of the United States. Don't worry, there's a cabinet position for all of you who contribute big bucks to my campaign.
So here are my qualifications:
1. My hair can get very big!
2. I completed a semester of law school!
3. I can practically see Mexico from my yard!
As for my platform, I'm still taking suggestions. Leave yours in the comments.