Adding insult to the injury of my week: getting diet Coke in the drive-thru instead of the real Coke I requested. Seriously, universe: I AM ARMED. Don't tempt me.
The Bikini Wax: An Internal Dialogue
God, this is horrifying. I wonder if she's as embarrassed as I am. OW! Ow MOTHERFUCKER! Okay, this hurts less than childbirth, but only because it doesn't last as long. What is she saying? I wish I spoke Vietnamese. I think I outweigh the entire staff combined. Dude, where is she going? They need a picture on this ceiling. They would probably put up a picture of Hannah Montana. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. Hey, I bet my nails are dry. I wonder if the liquor store next door sells ice. Next time I'm paying more for a place with numbing cream. Which is worse -- being her or being me? OW. Me. At times like this it's good to have some poetry memorized. 'Twas brillig and the ... the ... Dammit. HOW BIG IS MY VAGINA? She could have mowed the back 40 by now. God, how come nobody told me this shit was growing halfway down my leg? Did I water the clematis last night? Next time: vodka first. Next time: Vicodin first.
So... Which is the greater felony, a Coke/Diet Coke mixup at the drivethru or a waiter substituting Pepsi for Coke without consulting you?
ReplyDeleteGotta be the Coke/Diet Coke mixup. Pepsi may taste funny, but not nearly as funny as NutriSweet.
ReplyDeleteBecause NutriSweet blows.
ReplyDelete