The Bikini Wax: An Internal Dialogue

God, this is horrifying.

I wonder if she's as embarrassed as I am.

OW!

Ow MOTHERFUCKER!

Okay, this hurts less than childbirth, but only because it doesn't last as long.

What is she saying? I wish I spoke Vietnamese.

I think I outweigh the entire staff combined.

Dude, where is she going?

They need a picture on this ceiling.

They would probably put up a picture of Hannah Montana.

I will not think about Miley Cyrus. I will not think about Miley Cyrus.

Hey, I bet my nails are dry.

I wonder if the liquor store next door sells ice.

Next time I'm paying more for a place with numbing cream.

Which is worse -- being her or being me?

OW. Me.

At times like this it's good to have some poetry memorized.

'Twas brillig and the ... the ...

Dammit.

HOW BIG IS MY VAGINA? She could have mowed the back 40 by now.

God, how come nobody told me this shit was growing halfway down my leg?

Did I water the clematis last night?

Next time: vodka first.

Next time: Vicodin first.

Comments

  1. fashiongirlMay 18, 2009 at 7:03 PM

    My husband and I are laughing so hard we're in tears! Bloody brilliant!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. jenMay 18, 2009 at 8:03 PM

    Did we go for the whole lawn or with a tiny landing strip?

    ReplyDelete
  3. mamacitaMay 18, 2009 at 8:25 PM

    I'll never tell.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Retro-luxeMay 18, 2009 at 9:23 PM

    Three words: laser hair removal.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Texas GhostriderMay 18, 2009 at 10:49 PM

    LOL I laughed really hard at this post, but not at you. Maybe at the little asian lady, I can imagine the scene now...... I hope your evening is painless.....

    ReplyDelete
  6. CashmereLibrarianMay 19, 2009 at 9:32 AM

    yes, as Jen alluded to, you left out the most important information: what shape?
    A heart?
    A ladylike triangle?
    Or...

    ReplyDelete
  7. ɹǝƃƃolquǝʞoʇMay 19, 2009 at 5:21 PM

    Ouch. I could never...

    ReplyDelete
  8. HOBACMay 20, 2009 at 3:06 PM

    She's saying, "this is pay back for the police action".

    ReplyDelete
  9. mamacitaMay 20, 2009 at 6:33 PM

    + 1 HOBAC

    ReplyDelete
  10. hello gorgeousMay 20, 2009 at 8:40 PM

    bao nhiêu tóc là kia ?

    :-)

    ReplyDelete
  11. mamacitaMay 20, 2009 at 9:21 PM

    Oh my God, I think that must be it. "nhiều tóc cũng như một con khỉ"

    ReplyDelete
  12. PHVMay 25, 2009 at 7:09 PM

    "Dude, where is she going?"

    lol.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reading/ Watching/ Listening

 Reading: The Rules of Civility by Amor Towles. I didn't like it nearly as much as A Gentleman in Moscow . In fact, I liked it only barely enough to keep reading. Watching: Poker Face , on Peacock. Papi and I have enjoyed watching this, one episode at a time, and not every day. It's a little formulaic, but the sets and the guest stars are fun. I like that it changes scenery every episode. Listening to: The Beatles Channel, Sirius XM. Ever since watching Get Back , the Beatles documentary, I've enjoyed listening to them with new ears.
Read more

Be Awesome for Halloween

Image
You are a total hoser if you don’t dress up for Halloween. Granted, I haven’t dressed up in a few years, but I am about to change that this year. I have an idea … but it’s a surprise! Actually, I have lots of Halloween ideas. I’ve put together a few sample ideas for some of my favorite bloggers. If you find yourself in need of inspiration, send me a link to your blog, or just describe what you’re doing on Halloween night, and I’ll give you a hand. Emily and Rob : Alice and Ralph Kramden ! Soletrain : ODB . Wouldn’t you pay money to see Uncle John wearing a grill? Anyway, I’m sure he already has the outfit. He just needs to accessorize with a 40. Bunny Tomerlin : Goth princess . Because I bet she’s never even worn PVC. (Polyvore set via Haley ) Grosgrain Garage : preppy Jesus – Bonnanos, tunic with gingham trim and a ribbon belt, pearls worn as a thorny crown Megan: Now that she's succumbed to making wreaths , Mega...
Read more