What Would Jane Austen Do?

Also, as long as I am in my role as Queen of the Shallow Bargain Hunters: go to Seventeen 's website to print a coupon for a free Nic's Sticks [sic] from Ulta. Details here . While you're there, don't miss the latest installment of "Oh My God My Tampons Fell Out of My Purse Right In Front of Him!"

1) I went to HEB today and picked up a copy of Western Interiors . There is a card inside the magazine that says if you buy the current issue (April/May 2008), you will get the rest of the year's issues (5 more) delivered for free. So, $5.95 for 6 issues -- if you remember to mail the card back in. Sometimes there is some good stuff in there, so I thought it was worth mentioning. Of course, the whole magazine is online for free, but you have to register and install some special software to read it. So phooey on that. 2) PaperCity*, the "social magazine" of Houston and Dallas, is coming out with a book in October called Domestic Arts: Curated Interiors from the Pages of PaperCity . The book will feature the spread on the Menil house , among others. [The Menil house was designed by Phillip Johnson, decorated by Charles James, and packed with Surrealist art.] *If these folks have any sense at all, they will be featuring our friend Joni in their pages very soon.

Mother's Day is, of course, the MOST important holiday of the entire year. Take it from me that there is NOTHING you could ever do to repay your mother for all the trouble she went to on your part. So let's look into some gift options, shall we? I heard about Mad Imports in the most recent Cottage Living . These bags are so cute and summery. (Also, fair trade and eco-friendly, as a bonus.) Opal , $75 Heather , $79 each Isadora , $79 And I'm pretty sure I need one of these: (it's on sale, BTW) Fortaleza , $49 For Mother's Day every year I get a box of my favorite soap, which is such a sweet and old-fashioned gift. Rancé Crème Grasse , $64.95 What mother would say no to a Sephora gift card? (Probably my mother, but perhaps not yours.) Okay, in our next installment we will discuss Mothers Who Are Not Me.

For real, Martha? Seventy goddamn dollars for a dinky little cactus ? Plus $13.99 for delivery??

Another meme, this one from Jeff by way of Mike : Below are “106 books of pretension,” compiled from the books most frequently marked unread by Library Thing users. Books I’ve read are in bold ; books I’ve started but haven’t finished are in italics ; books I own but haven’t read are marked with an dagger (†). Totals: Books I've read : +/- 11 Books I've started but not finished : 9 And the total number of all these books that I own? Drumroll please.... one. And it's loaned out. Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell Anna Karenina Crime and Punishment Catch-22 One Hundred Years of Solitude Wuthering Heights The Silmarillion Life of Pi The Name of the Rose Don Quixote Moby Dick Ulysses Madame Bovary The Odyssey (against my will) Pride and Prejudice Jane Eyre The Tale of Two Cities The Brothers Karamazov Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies War and Peace Vanity Fair The Time Traveler’s Wife The Iliad Emma (I think) The Blind Assassin The Kite...

It's been -- sheesh, nearly a month -- since SGM tagged me. Without further ado: A - Attached or single? Attached. Like a barnacle. B - Best friend? Chandler. Wayyyy better than Phoebe or Rachel, for example. C - Cake or pie? How about a cake with a pie on top? You should make one of those so we can see if it's any good. D - Day of choice? Saturday E - Essential item? Laptop F - Favorite color? Red G - Gummy bears or worms? Gummy worms are too disgusting to ponder. H - Hometown? Bridge City, Texas I - Favorite indulgence? Letting Papi get the kids ready in the morning while I sleep late. J - January or July? July, because school is out. K - Kids? There are a couple of demanding short people living with me, but I have no idea how they got here. L - Life isn't complete without? Dumb questions. M - Marriage date? 6-29-96 N - Number of brothers and sisters? 2 sisters O - Oranges or apples? Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit. P - Phobia and fears? It's more that I'm ...

I posted this on sk*rt, where it didn't get picked up (as usual), so nobody got to find out about it. But this is such a great link that I'm passing it on to you. Kris at Cheap Healthy Good posted a collection of links to 102 different light salad dressings, separated into categories like "Asian-inspired" and "fruit-based." Go check it out .

What's for dinner this week: Monday -- tortilla soup Tuesday -- spaghetti Bolognese (sorry, Papi), salad, garlic bread Wednesday -- salmon Kelvin, Asian coleslaw Thursday -- turkey taco salad Friday -- Mexican pork roast, rice Saturday -- Carnitas Jeff’s bday party: hamburgers at the park Sunday -- shish kebabs

Watch the volume, some of the language is NSFW.* *See, Susannah ? You can crank it up as loud as you want. Who says there aren't some advantages to unemployment?

Damn, I'm behind on my memes. This one is from Biddy : 1. Pick up the nearest book ( of at least 123 pages). 2. Open the book to page 123. 3. Find the fifth sentence. 4. Post the next three sentences. 5. Tag five people. & post a comment here once you post it to your blog, so I can come see. Okay, now I actually got rid of 75-80% of the books in our house last weekend in a fit of decluttering. And yet there are 18 books and at least a dozen magazines on my nightstand right now. Jesus, what a slob. 1. The book on top of the pile is Flower Confidential . [Reading book...] Holy shit, that's boring stuff. Glad it's a library book. 2. Next book in heap is Influential Country Styles , which, while interesting, is chiefly a picture book. It's an Interlibrary Loan (possibly the greatest invention ever). I like it, but let's find another. 3. Passing up Not Your Mother's Slow Cooker Cookbook (the recipe on page 123 is for Stuffed Bell Peppers, which wil...

Mmmm... I feel like I just had a heaping helping of CRAZY. God, I loved that show .

I FOUND THE PEANUT BUTTER ! And man, is it good. I had to haul over to the HEB on Fountainview, and then pay $3.14 for a pint, but it was worth it.

What's for dinner this week: Monday-- fish fillets (don't call them fish sticks) and french fries Tuesday-- pirate pasta and salad with the Van Campens Wednesday-- risotto with peas Thursday-- Taco Night! Friday-- lemon crockpot chicken, french fries, salad Saturday-- breakfast for dinner Sunday-- leftover chicken

Retro Renovation Finally pink kitchens get the respect they deserve! These folks hate HGTV as much as I do. How To Do It Online For Free " Online tools, Freeware and other useful things on the net. " Wall Street Fighter "Insider news for the Outsider," and source of this McLovin clip: "The Mclovin' Fund" with Kristen Bell and Christopher Mintz-Plasse on FunnyOrDie.com

What's for dinner this week: Monday: pizza frittata Tuesday: pork chops, carrots, green beans Wednesday: meatloaf , mac and cheese , green beans Thursday: dinner at PTA meeting Friday: lemon crockpot chicken , roasted potatoes, salad Saturday: vegetable soup Sunday: cousin Kip's birthday party at McDonald's (ugh)

P.S. I hear that BLOW JOBS ROCK!

Blogger Jo from A Cup of Jo pointed me to this website today: Postcards from Yo Momma . I can't wait to get old and send Emmet and Becca demented messages. Here are some good ones: Please cleanup your facebook. Sex, drugs, lesbian stuff, no religion. People look at that before they hire you - Pres. Bush gets reports about this stuff, too. Listen to your mother — have a little common sense for goodness sake. Have some Christian values! Your mother Oh no! You don't want to have your name written down in the National Directory of Lesbians! The news is out! Dad bought me a Webkinz. It is reallly well designed and is the biggest craze I’ve seen in a long time.. It is comparable to the tamgachi and beani babies of your early youth. Every first grade through 5th grade student has one. They are awesome, yet a bit addicting. I need your help. I can’t make enough money to feed my Webkinz. I have failed at three jobs so far. Please do not check my resume. My Webkinz has s...

What's for dinner this week: Monday -- Pirate Pasta Tuesday -- Tortilla Soup Wednesday -- Ham and Asparagus Frittata Thursday -- Make-Your-Own Pizza night Friday -- Slow-Cooker Lemon Garlic Chicken Saturday -- in B.C. Sunday -- leftover chicken I also made Chinese Chicken Salad on Sunday, because Becca has been requesting it. It will be for lunches this week. pictured above: me

Here is my sad tale: my kitchen has no vent above the stove. Thus anything we cook we also have to smell for days after. I have been interested in trying the Lampe Berger for years, but it's the sort of unnecessary purchase I generally try to talk myself out of. Until Monday, when I cooked pork chops and immediately decided I didn't want to smell them all week. Not a very compelling picture, I know, but it's cute enough in person. In case you are curious: The Lampe Berger ... was invented by [French pharmacist] Maurice Berger in the early days of the twentieth century. Lampe Berger lamps were considered a disinfecting home appliance. Through a unique process of high temperature catalytic combustion, Lampe Berger eliminates and destroys the molecules behind unpleasant odors such as cigarette smoke and cooking while pleasantly perfuming the air and destroying bacteria. Which sounds like a crock, but my grandmother used them to get rid of the cigar smoke in her house, and...