Friday, October 3, 2008

Things That Do Not Suck: Caller ID

I love Caller ID. Wanna ask me some stupid question about the Fall Festival? Pass! Wanna know which radio stations I listen to? Talk to the hand! There are about 6 people in the world whose calls I will take. (Including yours, of course.) Otherwise, you can meet my friend, Ms. Voice Mail. She is a cold hearted bitch.

I love Caller ID so much I want to make love to it and have its babies. They would be half human and half machine, but I would raise them as human. Of course, they would be Mathletes, so everyone would suspect something was up, but I'd never tell. I'd have fights with Caller ID's mom (Ma Bell) all the time about whether or not the babies would be digitized, and when the babies would come visit her in Florida. But Ma Bell is a bitch anyway, and I'd get to do what I wanted. But Caller ID would never leave my side, and would worship me as a goddess no matter what.

Get your own decoupaged floral caller id box here.


  1. That is so scary, I was just sure you photoshopped that picture. People really make those?!

  2. Have you investigated whether the anti-bigamy laws apply to woman-electronics marriages?