The End of Mommy Blogs

I like to believe that's Dr. Pepper in the bottle.

Papi had to talk me down off the ledge again last night. I was having my bimonthly emotional crisis*. This time it was brought on by reading too many good-mother blogs.

When I first stumble across these I find them inspiring. The moms take professional-quality pictures of children in clothes that they personally sewed from vintage fabric. They make healthy dinners using the organic, locally-grown produce they find at the farmer's market, which of course their children are delighted to eat. Their children eschew Pokemon in favor of Waldorf toys and have yet to watch a television program. They go on "simple living" kicks while simultaneously posting at least daily about the perfectly hip items they found that they COULD buy, because they're also somehow not teetering on the brink of financial apocalypse. They live in mint-condition midcentury houses that are featured on Cookie's blog. All of these things are so enviable, and I vow to start doing all of them.

But I can't find the time to take up so many new hobbies. I take crappy pictures with my cell phone and I never learned to sew. And I absolutely never haul my ass out of bed in time to make the farmer's market on Saturday. So I drive myself crazy over the many, many ways in which I fail to measure up.

So, ladies, as much as I admire you, we're now officially On A Break. Papi must be tired of listening to me sob about not being a good enough mother. I'm off to refine the hobbies I already have: eating, thinking about what to eat next, and making up bitchy nicknames for people who vex me. (Send in your submissions!)

I really wish Brit had a blog. UPDATE: Britney has a blog. It appears to be a vehicle written by an assistant for the purpose of advertising licensed distressed trucker hats. COMING SOON: Mamacita's Bedazzled Muumuu Shoppe.

*Do I mean twice-a-month or every-other-month? Spin the wheel.

Comments

  1. Texas GhostriderMay 27, 2009 at 9:16 AM

    Britney - Thats not a blog thats a PR $$$$$$$$$$$ machine.

    When you find Utopia let me in on the secret......

    ReplyDelete
  2. KathyMay 27, 2009 at 9:55 AM

    I can sooooo relate. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  3. MrsEmMay 27, 2009 at 10:27 AM

    I'll admit to deleting a few blogs that seemed "too perfect" from my reader for the sake of sanity.

    But here's a little anecdote: there once was an acquaintance of mine and a blogger who seemed to have the absolute perfect life. Huge city apartment, wealthy husband, amazing antique wedding china, golden retriever and adorable baby. I was so jealous of her. Until one day, she seemed to disappear. I found out a year later that her husband left her and she had to move north to live with her parents. So sad.

    So, I guess the moral to the story is that you never know the truth behind the blog and perfection can come with a price. I'll take imperfection and a glass of wine any day.

    ReplyDelete
  4. CashmereLibrarianMay 27, 2009 at 11:37 AM

    Ha! I was just describing these people to my husband this weekend. I asked him why do these blogs always set up some glossy Christian perfect family facade, then they can't resist letting slip about that unwanted pregnancy, or the boyfriend with a pick-up and a gun rack, or their poor previous life as an abused girlfriend until they found the Lord and some right-wing misogynistic white Republican guy sweeps them off their feet and carries them to that house in the suburbs with a million pink-cheeked baptized children. Saved!

    Ladies! Maintain the masquerade! I don't wanna know your dirt--I've got enough of my own.

    *Steps off indignant soapbox*

    ReplyDelete
  5. thefarmersdaughterMay 27, 2009 at 12:56 PM

    I have stopped reading most blogs for the most part now- mommy or not. I don't know how some of those women find time to do a portion of what they write about- let alone everything!
    I can get up for the farmers market- but then we will hit the McD drive thru. I could sew his clothes- but I love my time watching "phinneas and ferb" with my boy more.
    Everyone makes choices in life. If you are happy with the ones you have made- then what does it matter what anyone else does or says?

    ReplyDelete
  6. SaraMay 27, 2009 at 2:50 PM

    I know your mothering -- and your kids -- and I think you're doing a fine job. These blogs are *constructed* lives, not real ones. The more courageous ones are the ones that tell it like it is.

    And this should make you feel better: http://www.dooce.com/2009/05/26/36-weeks

    However, it's bimonthly for every 2 months and semimonthly for twice a month... I'm quite disappointed -- grammar you usually school me on!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sarah's Fab DayMay 27, 2009 at 3:57 PM

    Hmmm...I know what you mean. If it makes you feel any better my house is almost always in some state of disarray, my closet a total disaster and my kids are obsessed with TV. Oh well. All in all I think we do pretty well. Would it make it better if I started sharing my days full of ass wiping and cleaning up potty training accidents?

    I agree blogs with Sara blogs are just a snippet of everyday life. No worries, we're all in the same boat!

    ReplyDelete
  8. VocabularyNaziMay 27, 2009 at 5:50 PM

    Semimonthly does indeed mean twice a month, but bimonthly means either twice a month or once every two months. It's almost as good a word as "cleave".

    ReplyDelete
  9. Retro-luxeMay 28, 2009 at 5:41 PM

    I don't know too much about the mom blogs, but I have similar feelings about some playground moms I know. The type who talk about their kids poop, drive all over town attending kids soccer matches and force their children to be vegan. Like helicopters, these moms are constantly "hovering." Playdates with them are to be avoided at all costs.

    ReplyDelete
  10. MsChristyMay 28, 2009 at 10:13 PM

    Your's is one of only two blogs I read on a regular basis, so don't you dare throw in the towel and let the plastic Barbie moms win or...else!

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousMay 28, 2009 at 11:30 PM

    I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL....Some of these moms are just to perfect. I have figured out that the "best" ones are the most screwed up. The bigger the "show" the bigger the problems....

    ReplyDelete
  12. northsidefourMay 28, 2009 at 11:50 PM

    Wonderful, Britney being the perfect anecdote to anything Mom'ish. Come on, what's in the bottle?

    I just discussed my horror at the Mommy blogs with my husband, and then he pointed out that I am a mom with a blog, please, no.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Skye @ Planet JinxatronMay 31, 2009 at 8:28 PM

    They don't get the produce from the farmers' market, they grow it in their organic backyard gardens in raised beds they built out of salvaged timbers.

    ReplyDelete
  14. kelJune 2, 2009 at 7:08 PM

    I refuse to read mommy blogs because, well, I'm not a mommy. The end.

    ReplyDelete
  15. jenJune 11, 2009 at 4:00 PM

    YES! and

    YES! and

    HELL yes!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reading/ Watching/ Listening

 Reading: The Rules of Civility by Amor Towles. I didn't like it nearly as much as A Gentleman in Moscow . In fact, I liked it only barely enough to keep reading. Watching: Poker Face , on Peacock. Papi and I have enjoyed watching this, one episode at a time, and not every day. It's a little formulaic, but the sets and the guest stars are fun. I like that it changes scenery every episode. Listening to: The Beatles Channel, Sirius XM. Ever since watching Get Back , the Beatles documentary, I've enjoyed listening to them with new ears.
Read more

All About the Boy

I’m never sure how much personal stuff to write on this blog, but every now and then I feel compelled to share. And so right now, even though I’d rather be writing gift guides and assorted other nonsense, I’m just going to rant. Emmet has Asperger’s Syndrome. Look it up. It’s a disorder related to Autism, but sufferers are said to be “high functioning.” Just looking at him, you’d never know that anything was wrong. But if you spend some time with him, you’ll see that he has trouble with social functioning. Asperger’s sufferers (they call themselves “Aspies”) aren’t good at self-reflection, and they aren’t good at picking up on social cues. They're also (in most cases) uncoordinated, and they tend to have a variety of tics (physical and behavioral). On top of this, Emmet has an anxiety disorder. Emmet’s life is tough. He is in trouble constantly at school because of the little tics that he’s developed, and because of his anxiety, and because he is afraid of going to the bath
Read more

The Bikini Wax: An Internal Dialogue

God, this is horrifying. I wonder if she's as embarrassed as I am. OW! Ow MOTHERFUCKER! Okay, this hurts less than childbirth, but only because it doesn't last as long. What is she saying? I wish I spoke Vietnamese. I think I outweigh the entire staff combined. Dude, where is she going? They need a picture on this ceiling. They would probably put up a picture of Hannah Montana. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. Hey, I bet my nails are dry. I wonder if the liquor store next door sells ice. Next time I'm paying more for a place with numbing cream. Which is worse -- being her or being me? OW. Me. At times like this it's good to have some poetry memorized. 'Twas brillig and the ... the ... Dammit. HOW BIG IS MY VAGINA? She could have mowed the back 40 by now. God, how come nobody told me this shit was growing halfway down my leg? Did I water the clematis last night? Next time: vodka first. Next time: Vicodin first.
Read more