The Bikini Wax: An Internal Dialogue
God, this is horrifying. I wonder if she's as embarrassed as I am. OW! Ow MOTHERFUCKER! Okay, this hurts less than childbirth, but only because it doesn't last as long. What is she saying? I wish I spoke Vietnamese. I think I outweigh the entire staff combined. Dude, where is she going? They need a picture on this ceiling. They would probably put up a picture of Hannah Montana. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. Hey, I bet my nails are dry. I wonder if the liquor store next door sells ice. Next time I'm paying more for a place with numbing cream. Which is worse -- being her or being me? OW. Me. At times like this it's good to have some poetry memorized. 'Twas brillig and the ... the ... Dammit. HOW BIG IS MY VAGINA? She could have mowed the back 40 by now. God, how come nobody told me this shit was growing halfway down my leg? Did I water the clematis last night? Next time: vodka first. Next time: Vicodin first.
I just started Mad Men myself this weekend and just love it! So retro and misogynistic, like Bond movies. Goes well with martinis too!
ReplyDeletethanks for reminding me about Vegetable Love -- I just requested it from the library. I remember hearing Barbara Kafka interviewed on NPR when this came out, and also loved the quote that gave the title: 'Our vegetable love may grow, vaster than empires and as slow.'
ReplyDeleteMmm. I think I'm going to make crab and cucumber curry for dinner tomorrow, since I got crab and cucumbers at costco yesterday. Wonder if my family who doesn't like cukes will eat it if it's cooked, curried, and covered with coconut milk?
ReplyDeleteSara -- good luck with the cukes. I would have thrown my hands up in despair over him many years ago.
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