The Bikini Wax: An Internal Dialogue
God, this is horrifying. I wonder if she's as embarrassed as I am. OW! Ow MOTHERFUCKER! Okay, this hurts less than childbirth, but only because it doesn't last as long. What is she saying? I wish I spoke Vietnamese. I think I outweigh the entire staff combined. Dude, where is she going? They need a picture on this ceiling. They would probably put up a picture of Hannah Montana. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. Hey, I bet my nails are dry. I wonder if the liquor store next door sells ice. Next time I'm paying more for a place with numbing cream. Which is worse -- being her or being me? OW. Me. At times like this it's good to have some poetry memorized. 'Twas brillig and the ... the ... Dammit. HOW BIG IS MY VAGINA? She could have mowed the back 40 by now. God, how come nobody told me this shit was growing halfway down my leg? Did I water the clematis last night? Next time: vodka first. Next time: Vicodin first.
Ha! This is funny. I just posted your lifehacker thing about yard sales. Now people will think we're shilling for each other. Or maybe they won't because I call you a dirty whore in my post. I mean, that alone should let people know you are BAD NEWS and that we are NOT in cahoots.
ReplyDelete(Cahoots is a great word. Note to self: use it more.)
Obama. I've already had two dreams about him last week - he was in love with me. do you blame him? seriously. i must have a big ego to have a dream like that. rahm is actually pretty cute. plus he's the right religion for me. its a toss up. let me get back with you on this one.
ReplyDeleteJoni, solid choice with Mr. O. [And he sent me a note in 2nd period asking if I thought you liked him back.]
ReplyDeleteBut come on, Rahm's a triathlete and he sends people dead fish. He's basically my dream date.
Oh, I am so all about Rahm too. In my dreams I do things with him I have never even considered doing in real life. Yummy!
ReplyDeleteBarack AND Michelle.
ReplyDeleteWhen Rahm was on the news the other night I just couldn't look away. The dude is magnetic
ReplyDeleteRahm, hands down.
ReplyDeleteRahmbo for me too, thank you very much. He's hot, he's smart, and though he's an orthodox Jew, he has the dramatic intensity of a Soprano, or a Corleone, which turns me on. Big time.
ReplyDeleteMamacita, this is funny shiz.
ReplyDeleteThe Rahm. I live in Chicago. Had the hots for Rahm from waaaay back, scrappy little piranah that he is.
ReplyDeleteAnd he's smart! and mean, with that vicious little gleam in his eyes. Too hot!
omg!!!!!!!!!!!!! he did???!!! what did you tell him?????
ReplyDeletep.s. Rahm is also a ballet dancer.