What Would Jane Austen Do?

1. " The character Farfour, a Mickey Mouse look-alike who preached Islamic domination on 'Tomorrow’s Pioneers,' a Hamas -affiliated children’s television show, was beaten to death in the final episode Friday by an actor posing as an Israeli official trying to buy Farfour’s land ." 2. Leprosy is also called Hansen's Disease, and it's not the malady described in the Bible. The confusion comes from an old mistranslation of Hebrew scriptures . The disease mentioned in the Bible is better known as tzaraath . 3. From the Department of WTF? Casting: Tom Hanks is going to play Charlie Wilson in the movie Charlie Wilson's War . 4. Dwight Eisenhower had never seen combat when he became commander of the U.S. troops in Europe . 5. The Richard III Society is comprised of people attempting to repair Richard's reputation . Their site features a game where you can "rearrange Henry Tudor's face." 6. Ho Chi Minh was a kitchen assistant at the Rit...

I think Air Guitar should be the 21st century version of Jazzercize. Video approximately two minutes, from 2006 U.S. Air Guitar Championships.

Has it occurred to anyone else that blogs are to the 00's what CB radios were to the 70's? Meaning that, one day our kids are going to find out that we read -- or, worse, wrote -- blogs and think we were TREMENDOUS dorks. And they'll be right.

Craig Biggio got 5 hits tonight, including hit number 3,000 . My favorite part of this story, though, is that the man doesn't rest on his laurels. For his 3,000th hit he knocked a grounder into centerfield, and he was called out at second when he tried to stretch the hit into a double. God bless him for that. The news of Biggio's 3,000th hit might overshadow the news of Frank Thomas' 500th home run, which is, statistically speaking, a greater feat. Biggio is the 27th player to get 3,000 hits; Thomas is the 21st to get 500 home runs. Hurray for both of them. I started to tear up when Biggio brought his old teammate Jeff Bagwell on to the field with him. But then I remembered that there's no crying in baseball.

What do you get if you search for "craigslist, wedding, samesex, accordian [ sic ], canada, love" on Metafilter? This awesome story .

Mamacita is full of piss and vinegar today: a ggressive panhandlers b outiques that are “curated” rather than “stocked” C aitlin Flanagan d iapers in the pool -- no I don’t have a better solution, but it’s still gross e lectronic toys F rench fries that are inadequately salted – what is the point? I ask you. g oody bags at children’s parties – nobody ever thinks to put condoms in there h oly rollers i nflexibility – an inability to change, that is j uvenile sarcasm – you have to be a certain age to earn your cynicism k eeping hats on inside the building l urkers – you know who you are Dr. M elfi on The Sopranos n utrition Nazis O prah’s endorsement of The Secret (worse than the book itself) p rudes q uestions – ask Papi Chulo what happens when you ask me more than two, consecutively r oad rage – traffic happens; chill the fuck out s catological humor t elevision pundits u se of two-bit words where nickel words would suffice v .d. – ain’t it a...

There is an excellent spread in July's Elle Decor about Trina Turk's Case Study house in California. If you're a fan of what they're calling "California modern" style, it's worth a look. The article isn't online yet, but Apartment Therapy: Los Angeles has some scans.

You know how you can go your whole life without hearing about something, and then all of a sudden, it's everywhere ? Typically this is the result of a massive PR campaign, and I don't feel the need to play along. But here I go, anyway. Friday, 22 June: John posts about Jura scotch. Monday, 25 June: The Writer's Almanac points out that it is George Orwell's birthday. Tuesday, 26 June: The Cool Hunter newsletter arrives in my in-box with a travel piece on the Isle of Jura, where George Orwell retreated to write 1984 . The lodge featured in the Cool Hunter spread looks like a pretty unlikely place for a socialist to write his magnum opus . The pictures are worth a look if you're into shelter porn. But what I really want to know is to what extent these mentions are coincidental. Because I've long suspected that John is a total PR whore.

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I decided to take up John's question about elevator etiquette . I did a little research today to find out if ladies do, indeed, go first into and out of elevators. Surprisingly, not many people weighed in on the subject at all. Those who did said something banal like "the people nearest the door go in first," which is not at all a satisfactory answer. Finally, this afternoon, I found a reference to the fact that " people used to crawl all over one another in elevators, mostly for the purposes of ensuring that women would be permitted to enter and exit an elevator before men ." Unfortunately the author, Marjabelle Young Stewart, goes on to say, in effect, that it's every man for himself now in the elevator business. That is a shame. She says that some "old-school gentlemen" do still yield to ladies in boarding and departing elevators. Here's hoping that "old-school gentlemen" are more common than she thinks. Also, it occurs to ...

I never write book reviews, because I don't think I do them well. Consider this an apology in advance. Furthermore -- does this happen to anybody else? -- I always read books a year or more after they come out, so nobody is talking about them any more. This is SUPREMELY disappointing in situations where you really want to talk to other people about what you've read. Examples that come to mind from the past couple of years for me include Freakonomics , The Blind Side , Moneyball , and the book I'm reviewing now, Free Gift With Purchase: My Improbable Career in Magazines and Makeup by Jean Godfrey-June . Ms. Godfrey-June is the Beauty Editor of Lucky , and past beauty editor of Elle , as well as a veteran freelance writer. The problem with reading her book more than a year after it came out is that it is, in part, a roman à clef . She mentions several of her more outrageous former co-workers but assigns them pseudonyms. This can't be for legal reasons, or for reas...

Reading Watching Listening to (with cousin Reilly) Mawmaw Sue had this DVD at her house and I popped it in Sunday morning. Emmet was laughing his fool head off.

I am totally insulted. The words that garnered the PG rating were "ass" and "fucking." Oh, yeah? What about "assfucking?" What does that get me? Do NOT throw down that gauntlet, dude. That reminds me of the profane game -- you have to type as many swear words as you can think of in sixty seconds. I only managed a 21, but Peetie got a 43. The high score is supposedly over 200, but I call shenanigans on that. UPDATE: A little more assfucking and we'll get there, people.

Magic-inspired wall decals . These are so cool, aren't they? Via Apartment Therapy-The Nursery .

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the day in 1932 when a military coup ended the absolute power of the King of Siam . So if you're looking for an excuse to eat Pad Thai and watch The King and I , well, there you go.

Do you ever make a wish? When you blow out your birthday candles, or when you look at the clock and it says 11:11, or when you find your pendant hitting the clasp of your necklace? Anyway, I know what my wish is going to be for the next 5 years or so. I’m going to wish that this girl makes it to professional baseball. Katie Osburn had a .04 ERA for her junior year at Cabrini High School of Allen Park, Michigan (attn. non-baseball fans: that is absolutely astonishing). She pitched 32 shutouts, 12 of them no-hitters. She’s already committed to Miami of Ohio for college, where she will presumably continue to play softball. I mention it because today is the 35 th anniversary of Title IX of the Educational Amendments of 1972. While I'm glad that women have made great strides in participation in athletics over the past 35 years, I think we're all still waiting for women to be taken seriously as professional athletes. I don't know if women will ever break...

1. The youngest manager in professional baseball is 13 years old . 2. Calvin Murphy has 14 children ; Ray Charles had 12 . 3. Vera Wang's grandfather was a "war minister" under Chiang Kai-shek . 4. Wal-Mart, Target and K-Mart all opened in 1962 . 5. You have to give your social security number when applying for emergency food assistance at the Salvation Army. If you want to claim your children as dependents, you have to give their SSNs, too . 6. Mark Twain didn't like Jane Austen's work . 7. The GI Bill turned out to be a huge boon to the economy . 8. A religious service in mp3 format is called a "godcast." (I totally love that.) 9. Anna Leonowens, of Anna and the King of Siam , was born in India . 10. Bob Fosse had epilepsy .

What Would Jane Austen Do? has learned that Emmet Hagen, aged 5 11/12, of Houston, Texas, has eaten a vegetable for the first time since he has had teeth. Witnesses say that the vegetable in question was a combination of creamed corn and canned whole kernel corn topped with ketchup, consumed at Aunt Pete's house. Hagen's parents, though thoroughly revolted by the particular combination of foodstuffs, are encouraged by the development. Researchers plan to repeat the experiment sometime in the immediate future.

Truthfully, I'm just so excited to have any commenters at all that I'm sending you each a jar of chocolate sauce. Congratulations Ben, Sara, Emily, Matt, Angela, Letitia and John. N.B. to Ben -- you are only getting some because I like Sara so much. That was woefully inadequate smoke-blowing on your part. Once again, you find yourself riding her coattails. MissEm, can you send your address to me at kbhagen AT gmail.com? Thanks! I know where to reach the rest of you. Awesome picture, huh?

Algemarin Dry Shampoo is one of my favorite things. If you get up in the morning and discover that you've waited one day too many to wash your hair, this is the stuff you use. Using it buys you an extra day (two if you count the next day as a ponytail day). Greasy-looking hair is a particular problem for me and my fellow blondes; brunettes can just get away with it longer. And it is a testament to what a bad person I am that I have gone through an entire bottle of this stuff in the last six months. It's a little hard to find; the best price I've seen is on Amazon through Cosmetic Solutions (under the brand name "Algemarina"). At $7.99 a bottle, it's not particularly expensive, and it has saved my ass a number of times. There are other dry shampoos out there that I have not tried. I did a little research and the internet consensus was that this was the best. Psssssst and Klorane are two other brands, but they are both more expensive and get lower mar...

Today is Seersucker Day in Washington, D.C. This is so awesome, I'm just speechless. I LOVE it when men wear seersucker suits in the summer. Next year I am so getting in on this. Maybe we can make it nationwide. Here's one picture; there's more, plus a story, at ABC . And some of the men were reportedly wearing pink socks! Can you stand it?!

I'm posting this viral video for two reasons: first, as a service to parents who read this blog, because I think your kids will get a kick out of it. Second, because I never thought of just eating crepes (which is what he's really making) with only sea salt and lemon juice. Doesn't that sound yummy? Oh, and a pox on the first commenter who says, "Yeah, I saw that, like, 6 months ago."

antiquated phrases ripe for a comeback: all wet blockhead cat’s pajamas don't take any wooden nickels a good egg fellow traveler greenback hoss ish kabibble JD killjoy (and, for that matter, Kilroy) lollygagger mollycoddle necking Old Scratch peachy quizling rag-a-muffin scram tarted up ur chin vapors making whoopee to the max yard ape zinger Got any other suggestions?

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That's right, bitches -- 100 posts! I had a whole Thing planned -- the Prosecco is chilling; the white peach purée is ready to go -- but it has been postponed until someone whose initials are Letitia Van Campen* is back in town to help celebrate. Instead, since I am all about giving , I am going to give something away to a lucky commenter. If you are Encyclopedia Brown, you may have already figured out that I am giving away a jar of Somebody's Mother's Chocolate Sauce , pictured below. This stuff is so good it should be illegal. But while I'm still able to ship it across state lines, here's how you win: leave a comment on this post, and pick a number between one and one hundred. (Don't forget to blow smoke up my ass about how much you love my blog. That part is key .) Whoever picks the number closest to the number I've written down will be the lucky winner. *Ha! Now a Google search for your name will always turn up my shitty blog.

Being an incredibly lazy writer, I love blog memes. Ten On Tuesday brings us "10 Favorite Movies to Quote." It's so hard to narrow it down to 10! Here goes... 1. The Princess Bride (by far the most popular answer in this meme) 2. Gone With The Wind "I don't know how I come to tell such a lie..." 3. Bull Durham "You lolligag your way around to first base..." 4. Blues Brothers "How much for the little girl?" 5. Steel Magnolias "They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!/Not on your first visit." 6. Ferris Bueller's Day Off "the sausage king of Chicago" 7. Used Cars "That's too fucking much!" 8. Patton "We are not holding on to anything. Let the Hun do that." 9. The Right Stuff "Who's the best pilot you ever saw?" 10. Little Big Man "You go down there..." And you, my blogging friends, can consider yourselves TAGGED. If you don't have a ...

In my opinion, there is no such thing as TMI. I want to know everything about everyone . I won't lie and say that everyone is interesting, but by God if you ask them to tell you something that's "TMI," I guarantee it will perk up the conversation. In fact, that's what I'm going to do next time anyone starts talking to me about his pets. So my new favorite thing about Tuesdays is this blog, TMI Tuesday . It will get me through the week until the PostSecret updates on Sundays. By the way, you will be relieved to know that I will not be participating in TMI Tuesdays. I doubt that there is much demand, really. But definitely go to the blog and check out other people's posts.

Five Things No One Should Have Said Last Night 1. "I'll have a drink first and dinner later." 2. "Put Qualls in." 3. "Another margarita, please." 4. "I have faith in the bullpen." 5. " Safe !"

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And let me just say that I hope you have many, many more. I love the way Roger Ebert writes about movies. He's interested in film as an art form, but he never loses sight of the fact that movies are supposed to be entertaining. He will rip a film to shreds if it fails on that count. Obviously, I have to celebrate this (and freedom ) by going to the movies tonight. But I've already seen Knocked Up . Do you think Papi Chulo wants to see La Vie En Rose ? Amazingly enough, tomorrow is Pauline Kael's birthday.

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I went to BC for Father's Day (even though Daddy was in Waco at a shooting tournament). The best thing that happened was when Nonnie said she wanted to take the kiddos for the week. SUCKA!!! How long do you think it took me to agree to that? Mw'hahahahaha (evil laughter). Oh, man, no kids for a WEEK! What am I gonna do first ?

Big Daddy Drew is the best writer on the internet. You can find his musings at Kissing Suzy Kolber , a group NFL blog. Last year at this time he posted on his personal blog (which he has since stopped writing) an itinerary for his first Father's Day. It was one of the funniest things I've ever read. But why should fathers have all the fun? I present my plans for next year on Mother's Day: Big Daddy Drew Mamacita 7:00AM – Baby cries. Someone who is not me tends to it. Roll over; discover papi chulo is sleeping in cot next to bed so as not to crowd me. 9:00AM – Mrs. Drew wakes me up while wearing the uniform of a service industry employee of my choosing. I’m thinking a 1920’s speakeasy cigarette girl. It’s eccentric, yet boneriffic. Wake up, discover extra wing has been added to house for my own personal dressing room/ bathroom/ closet/ dungeon. 9:01AM – Hot monkey sex. ...

1. This year, for the first time, men and women players at Wimbledon will be paid the same prizes in singles and in doubles . Up through last year, women made less than men in singles as well as doubles . 2. Last year the French Open paid women and men in singles the same prizes for the first time, but waited until this year for parity in doubles prizes . 3. Queen Elizabeth I of England has her own website. You can even choose your language: Commonwealth English or American English . 4. Carlo was a rat ! 5. Ethiopia has its own calendar, and the current year is 1999 . 6. Pope Gregory XVI condemned railroads as "the roads to hell." 7. Flag Day is not a federal holiday . 8. Jose Lima is pitching in the Mexican league . 9. Lisa Lampanelli worked at Spy . (Spy : The Funny Years , print only) 10. The Director of Financial Aid at UT-Austin took kickbacks from lenders .

So, how does one celebrate Bloomsday ? Eat a cheese sandwich? Commit adultery? Yeah, I'll probably just have a Bailey's milkshake. How are you celebrating?

So you're all just DYING to know what happened to me yesterday. Obviously the forces of evil conspired to keep me from blogging. Or maybe an electrical storm wreaked havoc upon our internet service, but that's a boring answer. I'm back now, baby! In other site/slacker news, I decided that on Sundays I will run a single, long-ass post instead of your usual three courses of delight. Presumably you like quantity over quality, or you wouldn't be wasting your time here in the first place.

1. a nap 2. a Garibaldi biscuit 3. a cup of milk 4. chocolate 5. revenge Like 5ives ?

Today is the birthday of John Bartlett, he of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations . It's also the birthday of my Aunt Linda, who, like me, keeps a list of her favorite quotes. In honor of their birthdays, here are some from my collection. Feel free to add your own in the comments. What other people think of me is none of my business. -- Rupaul I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. -- Hunter S. Thompson In the afterlife, we will sit around talking about the good old days when we wished we were dead. -- Samuel Beckett If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan If you torture data sufficiently, it will confess to almost anything. -- Fred Menger It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. -- W. C. Fields Nothing is a waste of time when you use experience wisely. -- Auguste Rodin Have faith and pursue the unknown en...

expressions that have different meanings in the U.S. and Britain. ace bonk cracking duck engaged flog geezer honking instant sunshine jammy knock up lolly mush nut off colour pear shaped queer read sod takeaway underground vest wobbler y-fronts ................................................................... zebra crossing More here and here .

Brooklyn Goldsmith is just about the cutest thing ever. She is an organic gardener, and she sells her produce at the Bridge City Farmers' Market. There is a story about her at the Penny Record site .

Mike really got me started this time -- I love magazines. I'm almost as bad with them as I am with reading blogs. I subscribe to The New Yorker, Vogue, Everyday Food, Domino, Cookie, and Martha Stewart Living. I would like to add Budget Travel , Blueprint , Cook's Illustrated , Dwell , Elle Decor , House and Garden , Lucky , and Town and Country . The kids get Highlights , and I recently started sending American Girl to my niece, Reilly. I also like the Cricket family of children's magazines, but I haven't started the kids on them yet. It's true that the greatest magazine of all time was Sassy , and I'm glad I was there for it. I wish I had been around for Flair . My first subscription was to YM , back when it was Young Miss (a title that cracks me up today). As a teenager I was also a fan of Life , Texas Monthly , Seventeen , and Mother Jones . Obviously I'm now a very frivolous person; otherwise I might be interested in something of substanc...

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Charles Harper was an illustrator known for his stylized depictions of wildlife. A new retrospective book of his work, Charley Harper: An Illustrated Life is coming out soon, edited by none other than Todd Oldham. However, that book is a massively large hardback, selling for $126. I have been looking out for an earlier work by Harper, The Giant Golden Book of Biology , which came out in the 1960s. It's a children's book. I would love to find one in Granny's attic, but I'm not really hopeful. And if anybody finds one, I'm pretty sure it's worth more than $126. Anyway, Mr. Harper died Sunday at the age of 84. The good news is that he was working right up until he contracted pneumonia a few months ago. But the bad news -- and I don't mean to be callous here -- is that his death isn't getting me any closer to finding that Golden Book.

In reality, if you send your kid to art camp, you should send her in shorts and a t-shirt of no value whatsoever, with closed-toe shoes made for the playground. However, these two weeks of art camp have been a fashion show. One girl was wearing these darling gold star sandals from Gymboree today (they were cuter in person). Yesterday another girl wore the most adorable blue pinwale cord shift dress with empire waist and white crochet cap sleeves. I can't find a picture of it, though; I think it's from last year. Kerchiefs aren't as popular as they were a few years ago; now the wide headband is having its moment. It's a little weird to realize that Rachel Zoe's influence trickles this far down!

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I signed up for an internet swap . My swap partner lives in Christchurch, New Zealand. I'm thinking of things to send her. Any ideas? * Yeah, I already thought of sending E&B. But it would cost a fortune to send them, and I'd probably be accused of international terrorism.

Angela and Mike have both made abecedaries of their own, and I enjoyed the heck out of them. If you make one, would you please post a link in the comments? That would be awesome. BTW, this image, "Vanishing Wildlife: An Abecedary of the World's Endangered Species" is available as a poster here . I think it would be pretty cool for a kid's room, no?

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