An Abecedary of Pet Peeves

Mamacita is full of piss and vinegar today:

aggressive panhandlers

boutiques that are “curated” rather than “stocked”

Caitlin Flanagan

diapers in the pool -- no I don’t have a better solution, but it’s still gross

electronic toys

French fries that are inadequately salted – what is the point? I ask you.

goody bags at children’s parties – nobody ever thinks to put condoms in there

holy rollers

inflexibility – an inability to change, that is

juvenile sarcasm – you have to be a certain age to earn your cynicism

keeping hats on inside the building

lurkers – you know who you are

Dr. Melfi on The Sopranos

nutrition Nazis

Oprah’s endorsement of The Secret (worse than the book itself)

prudes

questions – ask Papi Chulo what happens when you ask me more than two, consecutively

road rage – traffic happens; chill the fuck out

scatological humor

television pundits

use of two-bit words where nickel words would suffice

v.d. – ain’t it a bitch?

writing that is paid by the word (see also: Caitlin Flanagan)

x—the letter; it screws up my abecedary every week (damn Greeks)

Yankees fans

zealots in the La Leche League

Comments

  1. MrsEmJune 28, 2007 at 12:41 PM

    That was really refreshing. I always love a good "rage." :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. letitiaJune 28, 2007 at 6:44 PM

    Hey Jinxy McHexpants, I've never before been served undersalted fries at a restaurant, and then thanks to you and your crazy synchronicity I got some today. I swear they weren't salted at all.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reading/ Watching/ Listening

 Reading: The Rules of Civility by Amor Towles. I didn't like it nearly as much as A Gentleman in Moscow . In fact, I liked it only barely enough to keep reading. Watching: Poker Face , on Peacock. Papi and I have enjoyed watching this, one episode at a time, and not every day. It's a little formulaic, but the sets and the guest stars are fun. I like that it changes scenery every episode. Listening to: The Beatles Channel, Sirius XM. Ever since watching Get Back , the Beatles documentary, I've enjoyed listening to them with new ears.
Read more

The Bikini Wax: An Internal Dialogue

God, this is horrifying. I wonder if she's as embarrassed as I am. OW! Ow MOTHERFUCKER! Okay, this hurts less than childbirth, but only because it doesn't last as long. What is she saying? I wish I spoke Vietnamese. I think I outweigh the entire staff combined. Dude, where is she going? They need a picture on this ceiling. They would probably put up a picture of Hannah Montana. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. Hey, I bet my nails are dry. I wonder if the liquor store next door sells ice. Next time I'm paying more for a place with numbing cream. Which is worse -- being her or being me? OW. Me. At times like this it's good to have some poetry memorized. 'Twas brillig and the ... the ... Dammit. HOW BIG IS MY VAGINA? She could have mowed the back 40 by now. God, how come nobody told me this shit was growing halfway down my leg? Did I water the clematis last night? Next time: vodka first. Next time: Vicodin first.
Read more

Be Awesome for Halloween

Image
You are a total hoser if you don’t dress up for Halloween. Granted, I haven’t dressed up in a few years, but I am about to change that this year. I have an idea … but it’s a surprise! Actually, I have lots of Halloween ideas. I’ve put together a few sample ideas for some of my favorite bloggers. If you find yourself in need of inspiration, send me a link to your blog, or just describe what you’re doing on Halloween night, and I’ll give you a hand. Emily and Rob : Alice and Ralph Kramden ! Soletrain : ODB . Wouldn’t you pay money to see Uncle John wearing a grill? Anyway, I’m sure he already has the outfit. He just needs to accessorize with a 40. Bunny Tomerlin : Goth princess . Because I bet she’s never even worn PVC. (Polyvore set via Haley ) Grosgrain Garage : preppy Jesus – Bonnanos, tunic with gingham trim and a ribbon belt, pearls worn as a thorny crown Megan: Now that she's succumbed to making wreaths , Mega...
Read more