What Would Jane Austen Do?

Reading Watching There was a line around the block for Transformers 2: We Don't Need No Stinking Plot . Maybe they didn't realize that you could see Heather Graham's tits in this movie, which was intentionally funny, as opposed to skanky Megan Fox's tits in the unintentionally funny one. Listening to

This is our song:

R.I.P. Billy Mays , originally uploaded by houston mamacita . I'm pouring one out for you today.

I just saw this fabulous purse at Sanity Fair (great blog -- new to me). But 300 clams and it's trimmed in vinyl ? To quote from Working Girl , "It's not even leathah!"

Eating Watching Listening to Holy God, it's hot.

New Maira Kalman is up today, and is brilliant, as always.

{Funny you should ask, D, because I was thinking about a post on this very topic .} I change my mind about a lot of things. It's why I still don't have any window coverings at all ; it's why I haven't painted the rummage sale chairs I bought two years ago; it's why Papi has termed me a "catch-and-release shopper." It's why the checkout dude at Sephora hides when he sees me coming. But there is one absolute truth that I can share with you. Red wants to be saturated. Red wants to be In Charge. If you attempt to leaven red with another color, particularly white*, red will mock you without mercy. Let's consider two photos posted by the ever-gracious Joni : No. Yes. No. Yes. [I don't care if Gizmodo does call it "bordello" -- who takes style tips from Gizmodo?] A thousand times No. Definitely . [Granny, this is what your house should look like.] You don't have to like red, and you don't have to use it if you don't want....

I ended up taking my children, plus some assorted other children, to Mazzio's this weekend. They kept demanding quarters, which for some reason it amused my mother-in-law to give. When I went to retrieve the kids to leave the restaurant, my niece (center) said "Aunt Ra, look!" That's Becca on the left. Oh, Bridge City, don't go changin'. Okay, I also have pictures that I took of the kids when we went to the snake show at the library last week. But I can't bring myself to post pictures of snakes on my blog, so you'll have to go here to see them.

Need another reason to watch Craig Ferguson? Let's review last night's talk show guests: Conan O'Brien Cameron Diaz (if there is a duller person on earth, I have yet to see her) Johnny Strange, 17-year-old mountain climber ( bleh ) Pete Yorn (muted the t.v. for that one) Dave Letterman Samuel L. Jackson (no incest questions, so bleh .) Emeril Lagasse (why?) Iggy Pop (okay he was kind of awesome) Craig Ferguson Michael Musto Marion Cotillard Ferguson FTW.

Acacia wood carved wing trays , originally uploaded by anczelowitz . SOLD. I just can't figure out where to buy them.

You know what you should not do EVER? Microwave a lunch of LIVER AND ONIONS and then eat it while sitting less than EIGHTEEN INCHES from your coworker. Because the smell might make said coworker both nauseated and STABBY STABBY STAB STAB STABBY.

Lighten up, buddy. Help is on the way. The fact that these financial reforms that would just so happen to benefit me is entirely a coincidence. 1. No taxes or penalties on early withdrawals from IRAs. Okay, so it could send the market into a tailspin. But given that most Americans treat money like a seven-year-old at the Chuck E. Cheese prize counter (or Mamacita at Sephora), this could only turn out for the better, right? 2. No taxes on unemployment benefits. Why are they taxed in the first place? "Hey, here's a pittance compared to what you normally make, and we still want a piece of the action." 3. Blogging subsidies. Sort of like the subsidies given to farmers not to farm, blogging subsidies would be given to Americans for not getting anything done, thus necessitating more workers, thus creating more jobs. Obvs . 4. Cancellation of all outstanding student loans. But only for people over 30. Screw those young 'uns. I think I should get time off for ...

for you, Papi, from Conway and Loretta

stumper , originally uploaded by houston mamacita . I swear to God, I CAN'T TELL.

Again, we've spent the week turning the deadly sins into POSITIVE sins. And today, it's lust . First we're going to check out some Marine man candy. Then, you're going to head to Rebecca's blog and follow her instructions to sponsor a hot marine who's running 7 [not a typo] marathons to raise money for the Injured Marine Semper Fi Fund . And thus you will turn your degenerate lust into something good for the universe. On to the Marines!

Wrath can be so very entertaining. Here are two of my favorite purveyors of invective: 1. Matt Taibbi : So step right up and buy your " I'm SEXY enough ... to make you WAIT !" t-shirts, courtesy of the Candie's Foundation -- the pro-abstinence group whose ambassador is now America's most famous "Oh, fuck it, it feels better without the rubber" Supermom, Bristol Palin! Bonus wrath-- Tom Scocca, on Matt Taibbi: "The cheap vulgarity gets in the way of truly vile and shocking vulgarity." [via The Awl ] more Matt Taibbi : If Boris Yeltsin ever had a soul, it was not observable in his early biography. He sold out as soon as he could and was his whole life a human appendage of a rotting, corrupt state, a crook who would emerge even from the hottest bath still stinking of booze, concrete and sausage. 2. Amelie Gillette, on one of my pet subjects : Thomas Kinkade, noted maker of visual Muzak, recently teamed up with his best friend God to scam two ...

I have a baby present that I want to monogram. The baby's initials are going to be A.M.M. Traditionally, that would make her monogram look like this: A M M But I was thinking that, on account of the symmetry, I might do this instead: M A M Do you think her parents would hate it and think I'm a moron? Please advise.

Turns out that gluttony is the #1 topic on this here blog. But something is wrong with me, because I can't even think about food lately. [Please note: this has resulted in no measurable weight loss.] I blame this on Letitia. She's out of town, so I'm not spending my usual eight hours a day talking about food with her. Fortunately she returns this weekend, so I can quit living on Clif bars. Thumbs Up: 1. Starbucks Protein Plate-- so much food it counts as breakfast and lunch. Consists of: a hard-boiled egg, cheddar cheese wedge, grapes, 1/2 an apple, peanut butter and a small bagel. Unfortunately my Starbucks only gets one of them a day. Next time I'm going to cut the bitch who gets to it before I do. BY THE WAY, I could have reported this to you in September, when Starbucks gave a bunch of "influential" bloggers sneak previews of their new breakfast offerings. But NOOOOOO, Mamacita's not important enough for Starbucks. 2. Pina Coladas and Cheeto...

because Zakary does a much better job of it. How have I missed her blog until now? She's a friend of SGM's, so I'm sure that's why I was avoiding her. I thought I could only befriend so many skanks like her, but maybe there's room in my heart for one more.

Yes, it is pretty much greed that makes me want Papi to have another job. Otherwise, I'd just as soon have him at home, barefoot in the kitchen. So here is a list of links for Papi and anyone else who might be in his position. If you have any favorites, please do share in the comments. UPDATE: I just put together a monster list of Houston companies with links to job listings. I'm not going to put it out here for just anybody to use, but if you email and ask me nicely, I might send it to you: kbhagen at gmail dot com. Job Postings Monster Dice Jobfox -- haven't poked around here much, but it could be worthwhile WorkinTexas.com -- state job openings Job-Hunt.org -- links to tons of different job posting sites as well as employment advice. Houston Business Journal Employment Transition Advice Launch Pad Job Club -- based in Austin, there is a lot of good stuff here CareerOneStop -- US Dept. of Labor website for ReEmployment, with links to state and local resources f...

Vanity is a kind of pride, isn't it? Here we go, new stuff I've liked: 1. Laura Mercier Oil-Free Tinted Moisturizer with SPF . Excellent coverage, lightweight, non-irritating. Lots of people recommended it, but I hesitated because it's expensive. Naturally, I now love it. 2. Curling your eyelashes. I tried it a few years ago and couldn't tell the difference. Now I can see that it definitely looks better. Probably because I am getting old and withered. Thumbs Down: 1. Yves St. Laurent Touche Eclat. Lots of people rave about this, too, but I still don't see it. The first time you squint it sets up in your wrinkles. No thanks. 2. & 3. Benetint Lip Balm and Benetint Pocket Pal. Damn you, Benefit, for making the perfect color in TWO formulas that disappear almost instantly. I could have forgiven the Lip Balm, and just reapplied it more often, but you have to put it on with your fingers, which I hate. Anybody have any luck with Tarte?

I cannot WAIT to try this.  By the way, the Blushing Hostess has several blogs, and they're all fantastic. The Blushing Hostess: Spicy Cuke and Apple Pickles

from Advanced Style

Thumbs up to the color green: 1. There is some magazine called Kicks or something, and they had two pairs of brightly-colored nylon Nikes on the cover. I immediately decided that I need a pair of bright green nylon Nikes in my life. Of course, they can't be had for love or money. No love for the bright green -- even on Nike iD. 2. I dragged Becca to the MFAH on Sunday for craft time and a tour of the African Gold exhibit. The gold was mounted on a background of emerald green shantung, and I can't even tell you how gorgeous it was. Speaking of which -- how come I don't have my own golden scepter? That just seems wrong. Thumbs down to: Papi lost his job this morning. Which is going to delay my plans for buying a golden scepter by weeks . Photo by Marshall Astor -- Food Pornographer

I know you like when I'm caustic and biting, but you'll have to suffer through my happiness this week. I want to give a shout-out to: 1. Laying around on a Sunday morning, catching up on reading. Or maybe not catching up, but getting some reading done. And you know how nice it is to curl up on the couch when it's raining outside? I'm starting to have the same feeling about hiding out in the air conditioning when it's 95 outside. I used to feel guilty about being inside while the sun was shining, but now I think there's a limit to that, and it kicks in around 90 degrees. 2. Nintendo DS games that buy my children's silence. Which games? Don't know, don't care. And I'm feeling only slightly guilty about the bad parenting. I figure by now it's my stock-in-trade. Thumbs down to: 1. Sunday night television. Seriously, I'm starting to look forward to Monk. We gave up cable about 6 months ago and I still haven't stopped bitching...

Keppra went generic!

Reading Watching Nope, still can't bring myself to care. Listening to For the Good Times...

7:34

From Evelyn Waugh and the Modernist Tradition by George McCartney: In his memoir, Will This Do? , Auberon Waugh reports a telling incident from his father's dining table. During the rationing mania following World War II, some British bureaucrats took notice of a recent shipment of bananas, a fruit that had been long absent from [the] English diet at the time. Since the amount was limited, equitable distribution posed a difficulty. They decided the moral solution would be to provide every child in the realm with one banana. This meant three for the Waughs. "The great day arrived," Auberon recalls, when my mother came home with three bananas. All three were put on my father's plate, and before the anguished eyes of his children, he poured on cream, which was almost unprocurable, and sugar, which was heavily rationed, and ate all three. Auberon...declares he never again "treated anything [his father] had to say on faith or morals very seriously."

Reading Watching Listening to