The Bikini Wax: An Internal Dialogue
God, this is horrifying. I wonder if she's as embarrassed as I am. OW! Ow MOTHERFUCKER! Okay, this hurts less than childbirth, but only because it doesn't last as long. What is she saying? I wish I spoke Vietnamese. I think I outweigh the entire staff combined. Dude, where is she going? They need a picture on this ceiling. They would probably put up a picture of Hannah Montana. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. Hey, I bet my nails are dry. I wonder if the liquor store next door sells ice. Next time I'm paying more for a place with numbing cream. Which is worse -- being her or being me? OW. Me. At times like this it's good to have some poetry memorized. 'Twas brillig and the ... the ... Dammit. HOW BIG IS MY VAGINA? She could have mowed the back 40 by now. God, how come nobody told me this shit was growing halfway down my leg? Did I water the clematis last night? Next time: vodka first. Next time: Vicodin first.
Ray Price? Now there's an old one.... but good...
ReplyDeleteTry watching the Stanley Cup finals instead (next game Friday 8PM EST) and cheer Pittsburgh to kick Detroits ass this year! Much easier to care about!!
ReplyDeleteI am being forced to watch the NBA finals too. Sucks. (wait, are you being forced, or are you just torturing yourself?)
ReplyDeleteSome of both. We canceled cable, so it's that or crime dramas.
ReplyDeleteRay Price..."My Shoes Keep Walkin' Back to You". "The Other Woman (In My Life".
ReplyDeleteIf this is what people in Texas are listening to, I am heading for HEAVEN!