The Bikini Wax: An Internal Dialogue
God, this is horrifying. I wonder if she's as embarrassed as I am. OW! Ow MOTHERFUCKER! Okay, this hurts less than childbirth, but only because it doesn't last as long. What is she saying? I wish I spoke Vietnamese. I think I outweigh the entire staff combined. Dude, where is she going? They need a picture on this ceiling. They would probably put up a picture of Hannah Montana. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. Hey, I bet my nails are dry. I wonder if the liquor store next door sells ice. Next time I'm paying more for a place with numbing cream. Which is worse -- being her or being me? OW. Me. At times like this it's good to have some poetry memorized. 'Twas brillig and the ... the ... Dammit. HOW BIG IS MY VAGINA? She could have mowed the back 40 by now. God, how come nobody told me this shit was growing halfway down my leg? Did I water the clematis last night? Next time: vodka first. Next time: Vicodin first.
YES. Just Yes. Thank you. I never stay up late enough to catch Craig but this is why I should.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea such magic was happening every weeknight!
ReplyDeleteI <3 Craig :)
ReplyDeleteHe really is something else, even though I almost never make it that late.
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful week!
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That is brilliant.
ReplyDeleteI can't get over how they came up with that...that song is like so old. You know one of those writer's thought that up way back in college. He would listen to this song and go: "If I ever make it as a TV writer, I'm goint to get someon to do a wacky lipsync dance to this...with a big black dude in a turban, puppets...and somd bondage gear."
Yeah, that's one of the reasons I liked it. They weren't pimping any current song or movie or whatever -- just pure silliness.
ReplyDeleteThe "not pmimping" some facet of pop culture is why I love Craig, too...even when he's got THE hottest there to sell their wares, Craig doesn't let them..he makes them talk about the un-Hollywood side of their lives, which is why I tune in. I loved this "display" and, of course, thought of you when I saw it! Check out his cheeky monkey yodeling...classic!
ReplyDeleteSHIT. It WON'T LOAD. I LOVE him (even though I'm annoyed at him for marrying a waaaaaay too young woman for his 3rd marriage). Can't watch it but KNOW it's great. He's the only late night show I watch for the monologue.
ReplyDeleteOh and all those "I can't stay up that late" people?? TWO WORDS:
ReplyDeleteTi-VO.