What Would Jane Austen Do?

The reason I am not posting today is that I am busy reading the archives of Things I've Bought That I Love , which I highly recommend. By the way, I have found the maximum number of blogs to which one can subscribe without being completely paralyzed with keeping up. That number is 63. I am currently subscribed to 81. You see the problem.

Reading Finished doing: a list of 101 Goals for 1001 Days. [I won't bore you with the details.] The finish date is April 26, 2010.

1. Raymond Chandler was a wealthy oil company executive who lost his job after the Crash of 1929 . 2. Zelda Fitzgerald was a better writer than I previously thought. 3. Alexandre Dumas' grandmother was an Afro-Caribbean slave . 4. The day that Freud met Jung, they talked for 13 hours straight . 5. Bugs Bunny is modeled on Groucho Marx . 6. Finland had Prohibition from 1919 to 1932 . 7. Russia had Prohibition from 1914 to 1925 . 8. Golda Meir changed her name from Golda Myerson when she became Foreign Minister of Israel in 1956 . 9. Henry VIII married Catherine Howard on the same day he had Thomas Cromwell executed . 10. Martin Luther King, Jr. was only 26 years old when he organized the Montgomery Bus Boycott .

Kate and Andy Spade are leaving Kate Spade, Inc . I hope they'll still be involved in something, though -- maybe more books ?

So maybe you're having a good day; you're not feeling too old and decrepit. Good for you. I'm here to ruin it for you. The Princess Bride is now twenty years old. Didn't jump off the bridge yet? Take a gander at the cast, then and now . That should do it. Hat tip to The Bloggess .

Since I missed making a YouTube post last Friday, this week you get two. Ain't I sweet? Babies Eating Lemons Sony Bravia Commercial

GBS is one of the best people ever for quotes . Here are some favorites: I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. [This is all you ever needed to know about raising Becca.] All great truths begin as blasphemies. Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there were a fire? The one nearest the door, of course. Lack of money is the root of all evil. If all the economists were laid end to end they'd never reach a conclusion. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous thing. I know of only one duty, and that is to love.

… family sayings. (Forgive the inside jokes. BTW, I once asked my mother if she read my blog and she said, “I don’t have time to read all that shit.”) A nnie story [“A long and unnecessarily convoluted tale”.] B en done told [“I’ve already heard the news.”] C older than a well-digger’s butt [“quite cold”] D on’t know sheep shit from Shinola. [“Uninformed”] E rin Len [“You are exasperating.”] For f orty years [“a long time”] Well I fucking g uess . [“That is not going to happen, ever.”] H unker-jaw [“off kilter”] I ’m fucking this cow, you just hold the tail. [“Kindly do as I ask without interfering.”] J ee-haw [“exist in accord” (Something about mules…)] K ara Brooke [as opposed to all the other Karas in the house] L ike a cow pissing on a flat rock. [“raining very hard”] Can’t see through m uddy water. [“You’re blocking my view of the television.”] N ow I've had worse than that in my eye. ["I mock your pain."] The O ffice ...

Evidently there is a movie about Jane Austen coming out August 3. Here's the trailer:

Reading Playing Listening to

Girl con Queso pointed me to Entertainment Weekly 's list of the 25 Greatest Love Songs of All Time . I was all excited to read it, especially when I saw the object of my fervent devotion, Percy Sledge, in at number 13. But then I kept reading and I saw that THEY PUT GUNS 'N ROSES FIVE PLACES AHEAD OF PERCY AND AHEAD OF OTIS FUCKING REDDING AND THAT IS SO NOT OKAY, PEOPLE, YOU NEED TO GET RID OF YOUR LAME-ASS HIPSTER-WANNABE 80s-REVIVAL NITWITS AND REPLACE THEM WITH PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY LIKE MUSIC OR I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO COME OVER THERE AND KICK ALL OF YOUR ASSES.

Did I somehow fail to tell you about coco jam? Read about it here and know that my ice cream is now 500% tastier than yours. Photo source

If I were smart, and I understood phrases like neap tide or nano -anything, I would be reading this blog . I don't even understand the art information -- visual music? generative software? Um, okay. This is probably the sort of thing that would expand my mind if I could listen to more than two words of it without saying, "Oh God , I'm bored." So if you're smart and you're reading WWJAD (highly unlikely), would you please read that blog and translate it into English benighted redneck for me?

Today is the birthday of Alexandre Dumas, John Graves and Zelda Fitzgerald. Reading the synopses of their lives makes me think I want to celebrate today with a happy ending for a change. Off to the massage parlor I go! Okay, maybe not. But it does bring me to one of my soon-to-be-patented Theories of Life. Since you asked so nicely, I will share it with you: One day, when I was stuck in a rough spot in my life, I happened to pick up a copy of Time magazine. In it was a brief article on Narrative Therapy [click for a very lame explanation]. The idea is that therapists can help their patients get through their problems by having them write and understand their personal stories. What I took away was that, in many cases, I could get "un-stuck" by trying to write the happy ending to whatever story I had going on. It doesn't sound especially revolutionary, but I have found that to be a good way of looking at things. I am always telling myself that things will be all ...

Reading / Watching/ Playing

7/23/07 wake up late and throw a fit about putting on my clothes wreak mayhem and destruction on a church nursery throw a fit about chocolate milk at McDonald's find time to hit my brother a lot perform usual miscellaneous acts of defiance pour milk over Mom's laptop, destroying it throw a plastic wrench at Mom's face and leave a bruise That daughter of mine is no slacker.

Reading Watching Experimenting with (I think I like it)

Yep, those are diamonds. And white gold, duh -- you want the baby to get his ass kicked on his Boppy for wearing yellow gold?

I promise I will slit my wrists if I hear one more word about scrapbooking.

1. Nero was a cross dresser . 2. He played the lyre, not a fiddle . I must have gotten really smart -- I was down to only two things I didn't know.

Not. But I am attending, so I'm not sure that I'll have any posts again until Monday. I don't like it any more than you do, but there it is. BTW, it is NO FAIR having fun at BlogHer this weekend without me. I assure you I am not having fun here.

The new nerd saying: "I have been there, done that and edited the wiki." (Mia Timpano in Frankie magazine).

Okay, more friends: Manuscript Transcription is one of the many projects of my friend Ben Brumfield. I can't say I have any idea what he's talking about most of the time, but it's probably really interesting and groundbreaking stuff. That's the kind of guy Ben is. Ben is one of my oldest friends; when he was a senior in high school, he let me steal his acolyte and turn him into Papi Chulo, so I'm ever so grateful for that. But the best thing Ben ever did was marry Sara of Sara Brumfield's Blog . Sara is a native of the Austin area, a software developer, an entrepreneur and a Parenthacker extraordinaire. She always runs across interesting things. Ben also introduced me to John, a.k.a. Soletrain, of The Last Shall Be First . If I cared at all about men's shoes or whiskey I would probably even read his blog. Well, okay, he does have other posts, and they're all kinda good. Plus he makes a mean limoncello . And he's also babysitting for me tom...

I've been unusually busy this week and haven't prepared much for this here blog. Will that stop me from posting? Of course not. Today seems like a good day to introduce the friends whose blogs I have listed off to the right. Biddy's World is run by the most excellent Biddy, and is that felicitous combination of funny and frequently NSFW. She is my spiritual twin (except she's all talented and crafty and stuff) and, as it happens, almost my real twin except she is years younger than I am and also half black. But other than that ... And I think it's really swell of her to keep a countdown to my birthday on her front page :-) Blog con Queso is run by Girl con Queso, who sometimes goes by "Laura." I call her my friend because I met her one time in person, so that totally counts. She is also one of the four ladies behind sk*rt , where no one ever votes for the stuff I find, but I post it nonetheless. Foodmomiac is the brilliant and inspiring Danielle,...

I have the theme song from The Jeffersons stuck in my head. Now you do, too!

Listening to Obsessed with

I missed it yesterday. It would have been so sweet to celebrate by hiding out in a cabin somewhere and refusing to have contact with anyone. Oh well. I really liked The Catcher in the Rye when I read it a lifetime ago. But I also love this satirical review, which appeared in The New York Times when the book was published in 1951: "This Salinger, he's a short-story guy. And he knows how to write about kids. [But] he should have cut out a lot about all these jerks and all that crumby school. They depress me. They really do."

Eww! Bring back the mullet!

Reading Watching (ugh) Listening to

Yesterday we had a John Deere party for Emmet's 6th birthday. We had more than 50 people in our little house; it was crowded but fun. I was worried that we didn't have enough for the kids to do, but they managed to occupy themselves with the trampoline, the Wii and the piñata. The cake was the best part, though -- a tres leches from El Bolillo on Airline Drive. It was even better this morning as breakfast :-)

Reading Watching Listening to ... the dulcet sounds of my children's whining.

Did you know that many classic computer icons, like the cute little Macintosh bomb, the Windows Solitaire cards and the ubiquitous e-mail envelope can be traced to a woman named Susan Kare ? Here's a description of her work: Since 1983, Susan Kare has designed thousands of software icons that have become familiar to anyone who uses a computer. Designed on a minimalist grid of pixels and constructed with mosaic-like precision, her icons communicate their functions immediately and memorably. MoMA sells items like notepads and coin purses with her work; as it happens, some of those items are included in the big sale they have going on right now .

This article in The New York Times about cooking for the family is absolutely BRILLIANT in its simplicity and sophistication . I demand that you quit wasting your time here and go read it right this second.

1. Taking a daily dose of 100mg of vitamin B1 subtly changes your body odor so as not to attract mosquitoes . (according to renowned herbalist Joan Collins ) 2. Thoreau was the first member of his family to go to college . 3. Harold Bloom's first language was Yiddish . 4. Lyndon Johnson's father was a Christadelphian -- a religion whose members avoid politics and organized political affiliation . 5. Lady Bird Johnson had a Secret Service detail for 44 years -- longer than anyone else in history . 6. Barack Obama now has a Secret Service detail . 7. Batman is Episcopalian ! 8. So is Lex Luthor . 9. And if all that weren't enough: not only is "gay American" James McGreevey* headed to Episcopal seminary , so is porn star Rod Fontana . [*Okay, not that there's anything wrong with That , but there is a lot about McGreevey that I don't like.] 10. Retired justices of the Supreme Court are not "ex-" members of the Cour t -- they assume "...

Am I going to celebrate by eating French food? Probably not! I have a ton of stuff to do today, and I think chiens chaudes are on the menu for dinner at my mom's house tonight. But let's stay in the platonic world of the blogosphere for a moment longer. I might have Martha's French Toast for breakfast; lunch could be a salad dressed with Nora Ephron's vinaigrette ; and, what the hell, I'll let Alice Waters make dinner for me. Orangette is definitely my favorite French food blog. Do also give Patricia Wells a visit. As far as Chocolate and Zucchini goes -- I want to like her, I really do . I just can't imagine Leslie Caron sitting down to a lunch of quinoa , can you? If you're interested in anything besides food (do I know you?), you could check out these other Frenchy-type sites: Chitlins and Camembert (possibly the best blog title of all time) Cote de Texas (decorating) Ma petite Théière (blog of a French children's book illustrator -- ...

I'm not sure there's anything I can add to this. Via AT: The Kitchen .

Southern Humor A ndy Griffith Roy B lount, Jr. Jill C onner Browne D ave Barry E udora Welty Kinky F riedman G reater Tuna Bill H icks Molly I vins J ohn Kennedy Toole Florence K ing L ewis Grizzard Steel M agnolias Being Dead Is N o Excuse Buck O wens and Roy Clark [how have I lived this long without the 13-DVD set of Hee-Haw ?] Tyler P erry Q ueen of the Turtle Derby and Other Southern Phenomena Celia R ivenbark David S edaris Mark T wain Forrest G u mp [stuff it, Cusey] V icki Lawrence as "Mama" Tom W olfe Di x ie Carter Y a-Yas Maryln Schwart z Add more in the comments.

So today is the birthday of Julius Caesar -- how to celebrate? A Caesar salad , perhaps? Go for a swim with George Clooney perhaps? So many options. Gosh, that water looks nice and cool. Surely you didn't expect me to illustrate this post with a picture of some ancient Italian dude. But aren't you glad George moved on from that Caesar haircut? It didn't really do much for me.

Oh my God, I am gonna be so RICH !

For those of you lucky enough to live near a 7-Eleven, I have good news: today is free slurpee day ! Huzzah! Unfortunately for me, there are no 7-Elevens in Houston (Stop N Go bought them all in 1987). There are several in Austin, though, and in San Francisco. Check out this tool on the official website to find a 7-Eleven near you. I'll make do with an Icee and just a dash of rum. It's the white trash daiquiri.

I can't believe I've never told you about the Crack Sandwich. Papi Chulo named it that because I am quite addicted to it. It is available at Stone Mill Bakers and is comprised of: soft jalapeño cornbread, the condiment which dare not speak its name, lettuce, smoked turkey (not lunchmeat) and thinly sliced cantaloupe. It is sooo good. I definitely need one today. If you go to the store, you probably want to ask for the #5 (as opposed to "The Crack Sandwich"). I can also highly recommend the sugar cookies there. [Pictured: a fellow junkie. I feel his pain.]

Reading Watching (so funny!) Listening to

Planning Emmet's birthday party on the fly, since our original plans fell through...

Reading Writing -- their birthday lists Sleeping in -- their new comforters, etc. from Aunt Winnie Playing in -- the swimming pool at the YMCA

How to Green Your Sex Life at Treehugger

This one via I'm Andrea * four things to do before I die: * 1. make final arrangements, so no one in my family can screw it up :-) 2. visit Argentina, Austria, Czech Republic, England and Switzerland 3. accumulate assets to leave my heirs 4. write a book * four things I'm surprisingly good at: * 1. navigation 2. planning 3. solving problems 4. remembering long series of numbers * four things I'm not so good at: * 1. singing 2. dancing 3. math or science 4. self discipline * four things that attract me to the opposite sex: * 1. how he smells 2. how he dresses 3. sense of humor 4. interests * and now, consider yourself tagged!

Reading (Sample quote: "It's useful to have two sets of makeup...") Watching Listening to

I think I might have screwed up the feed for this blog. Have I mentioned before that I have no idea what I'm doing? Please let me know if this shows up in your regular RSS reader. Thanks.

The Ladies ... have a nice post up about the Astros.

I have been a fan of Jason Kottke's blog for a while now. I found out on Friday that he and his wife just became parents. The baby announcement was the first I'd heard of his wife, Meg Hourihan, who is an excellent blogger herself . They both say that they're going to be taking a couple of months off from blogging to hang out with the baby, but I hope they'll still do some infrequent posts. Check out their archives while you have a chance to catch up with them. Here are some of the best links I found through Meg in just the last two weeks: Food Timeline -- an amazing resource Replate.org -- I haven't decided yet how I feel about this. The BLT Fried Egg-and-Cheese Sandwich -- I want one of these so badly right now. And now a story: I once went to BW3 for the 25-cent chicken wing special. I learned two valuable lessons that night: 1) have a healthy fear of Ben's budget-restaurant recommendations, and 2) do not make an entire meal of chicken wings. I gu...

Papi Chulo also taught Emmet to play chess this weekend. 'Cause he's an awesome dad.

On our trip to Austin, we went swimming at Deep E ddy (so cold!), scarfed i ce cream at Amy's, visited the j umbo games exhibit at the Children's Museum, saw L ittlefield Fountain, climbed M ount Bonnell, shopped at T oy Joy, and had dinner at W aterloo Ice House on Loop 360 with Sara , Ben and the positively edible Miss J (who needs her own blog). Since we stayed with my aunt Winnie and her ever-accommodating pup, Molly, the trip was cheap as well as fun. I'm looking forward to doing it again.

1. Pixar artists consulted with Thomas Keller for their work on Ratatouille . 2. Vegan ice cream, which is made from oats, tastes awful . Take my word for it. 3. Hello Kitty has a pet ... kitty . 4. I'm now too old and dessicated to be an egg donor . Thanks for pointing that one out, Letitia! 5. Washington Nationals pitcher (and Orange native) John Patterson has to go to Canada for treatment of a nerve problem in his elbow. Four previous treatments in the U.S. haven't worked for him, and the new treatment doesn 't have FDA approval . 6. Men are just as chatty as women are, they just lied about it in previous studies . 7. A wife's affection is worth $4,802 . 8. Evelyn Waugh's father was a sadistic asshole . 9. Houston-based artist Trenton Doyle Hancock has a (very expensive) wallpaper coming out . 10. Your refrigerator should be set at 40 degrees; your freezer at zero .

Is it weird to have a crush on Merlin Mann ? Yes? Uh, never mind.

There was an excellent article on Paul McCartney in The New Yorker last month (only the abstract is available online). Granted, I'm no Beatles scholar, but there were an awful lot of things I didn't know about them. 1. Paul McCartney can't read music. 2. Neither could John Lennon. 3. McCartney met George Harrison on the school bus. 4. The name "The Beatles" is a play on The Crickets, Buddy Holly's band. 5. In their first year of friendship, McCartney estimates that he and Lennon wrote more than 100 songs. 6. Between 1963 and the end of 1965, the Beatles recorded six albums. 7. Until 1969 the band's royalty rate was 39 cents per LP sold. 8. It wasn't Yoko Ono who broke up the band so much as it was an intra-band dispute over a change in management. 9. McCartney now owns the Buddy Holly music catalog. 10. As well as the music for Annie , Guys and Dolls , and Grease . Paul McCartney wrote John Lennon a letter (in 1984, after Lennon's deat...

On this day in 1957 John Lennon met Paul McCartney. That, my friends, calls for a celebration. Let's start with some YouTube of "Revolution." The other day somebody asked me to name my favorite Beatles song -- as if one could choose! Anyway, this one would be close.

... things to do in Austin with kids. I know it's a day late, but it's a good one --for everything on this list, admission is $5.50 or less per person, excluding food. A lamo Drafthouse children’s movies – last Saturday of each month (free!). Watch the B ats at Congress Avenue bridge (free!). Tour the state C apitol (free!). Watch the water rush over the D am at Red Bud Isle (free!). Swim at E ilers Park , a.k.a. Deep Eddy (adults $3, kids $1). Find f ossils at the Dino Pit at Austin Nature and Science Center in Zilker Park (free!). Play Peter Pan Mini- G olf ($5 adults, $3 for kids 5 and under). Visit the Texas State H istory museum ($5.50/adult, $3/kid over 5). Eat I ce cream at Amy’s (easily Play with the J umbo games exhibit at Austin Children’s Museum ($5.50/person over age 2). Visit K iddie Acres (admission is free, but the rides will cost you a little) (Wednesday is discount day). Also, K erbey Lane -- kids eat free on Tuesdays. ...

Sorry for the radio silence over the last couple of days. I've been way busy with kid stuff. I'll be back shortly.

Reading Watching Doing today

You may be pleased to know that, the next time you need to take your children to McDonald's to eat some nutritionally suspect food and play on a bacterially suspect playground, you can take your laptop along and, for $2.95/2 hour block, connect to the tubes of the interweb.

Reading Watching Listening to Still kicking myself for not having a Strangebrew- and poutine-fest yesterday. UPDATE: Sorry, I was trying something new for the links, which didn't work. Should be fixed now.

I totally forgot that I wanted to make poutine today. Here are the ingredients: french fries brown gravy with a dash of hot sauce grated cheese When the fries are ready, you put the cheese on them and the gravy on top of that. Now, I've never made this (dammit, I can't believe I forgot today!) but if you make it, let me know how it goes.