Friday, May 18, 2007

Mom Shoes

Cookie magazine, how I love you. But you are so totally wrong about mom shoes. Those mentioned in the accompanying article are even worse.

First of all, you have set the parameters at "styles...that allow you to chase after your toddler on gravel-covered playgrounds but still retain some fashion dignity." You seem to think that this necessitates shoes without laces. Why? I learned to tie my shoes in kindergarten, and I've been practicing ever since. If you want to keep gravel out of your shoes, laces are your best bet, really. [It's usually mulch instead of gravel where I live, but same principle.]

But let's accept your challenge for now: dignified shoes without laces. No problem. The problem is with the shoes you selected. Let me say, for the record, from the highest mountaintop, that sneaker-flats hybrids (a.k.a. sport utility flats, pictured above) are ugly. U-G-L-Y/ You-Ain't-Got-No-Alibi, ugly. Furthermore, the peep-toe flats you mentioned are wholly inappropriate for the task.

What to wear instead? I am partial to boat shoes -- those have a little dignity. [They have laces, but you don't have to tie them every time, so does that count?] The Tsubos you dismissed out of hand aren't so bad -- two velcro straps don't really seem that intimidating. My favorite shoes of all: driving mocs. No straps, no ties -- you should be so excited, Cookie. No one is making really great driving mocs right now, but these (below) are pretty cute. Depending on how athletic your time at the park is, they could work. They're definitely cuter than the flats you mentioned.
Cookie, you don't seem to think you're cool enough for Pumas, but I suspect that has to do with a lack of advertising on their part rather than a lack of coolness on your part. And if you're really cool (which I am not) you could also pull off Vans.

Now I will address a topic close to my own heart: What to wear with capri pants. [How did I know you have capri pants, Cookie? Because they hand them out in the maternity ward, that's why.] Capri pants require special consideration so that you do not make your legs look like tree trunks. It's all about lengthening the line, so you need a shoe with a low vamp -- not necessarily toe cleavage, but something close to it. Those mules are OUT, Cookie. Jack Rogers sandals would work, even though they're not really made for walking the city streets all day.

Just keep all this in mind when you go shopping, I implore you.

4 comments:

  1. You had me with the driving mocs, but you lost me with the ones you chose. I hate, hate, hate toe cleavage. None of your fashonista-babble "lengthening the line" crap is ever going to convince me that it's not ugly. High-vamped Venetian driving mocs in a colorful waterproof suede, that's what you need.

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  2. You had me with the driving moc recommendation, but what's up with those low-vamped things that you pictured? I don't care what kind of fashonista-babble gloss you put on it; toe cleavage is ugly. High-vamped Venetian driving mocs with a more substantial sole than those annoying rubber nubs that Tod's likes to use in a colorful waterproof suede, that's what you need.

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  3. Those DO NOT have toe cleavage! Low vamps are better when wearing capri or cropped pants.

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  4. See, there you go with your fashionista-babble again. Low vamps, with or without toe cleavage, are U-G-L-Y.

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