The Bikini Wax: An Internal Dialogue
God, this is horrifying. I wonder if she's as embarrassed as I am. OW! Ow MOTHERFUCKER! Okay, this hurts less than childbirth, but only because it doesn't last as long. What is she saying? I wish I spoke Vietnamese. I think I outweigh the entire staff combined. Dude, where is she going? They need a picture on this ceiling. They would probably put up a picture of Hannah Montana. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. I will not think about Miley Cyrus. Hey, I bet my nails are dry. I wonder if the liquor store next door sells ice. Next time I'm paying more for a place with numbing cream. Which is worse -- being her or being me? OW. Me. At times like this it's good to have some poetry memorized. 'Twas brillig and the ... the ... Dammit. HOW BIG IS MY VAGINA? She could have mowed the back 40 by now. God, how come nobody told me this shit was growing halfway down my leg? Did I water the clematis last night? Next time: vodka first. Next time: Vicodin first.
Mmm.. The O Brother soundtrack is one of the best ever. I heard "Down to the River to Pray" the other day at Borders, and I can't get it off my mind.
ReplyDeleteI can't get it off my mind either. Its one of Becca's 3 favorite songs on the soundtrack and she sings it incessantly.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, she has turned her focus to moving to Big Rock Candy Mountain. I am not invited, and have been told that I will miss her. I somehow doubt this, but it would be parentally irresponsible of me to allow her to go to a place where "little streams of alcohol come trickling down the rocks" without adult supervision.
It's not fair at all for a kid to visit the little streams of alcohol without taking Mommy and Daddy along.
ReplyDelete